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Is it necessary to preserve traditional craft villages? Why? What would you do If you were responsible for promoting traditional craft villages?

Is it necessary to preserve traditional craft villages? Why? What would you do If you were responsible for promoting traditional craft villages? kg1WR
Vietnam is famous with other national countries because of many special traditional craft villages such as Bat Trang pottery village, Van Phuc silk village, Dong Ho folk painting village, …. The government Vietnamese has recognized about 1500 handicraft villages of which about 300 are traditional handicraft villages. But with the development of industry, some traditional craft village in Vietnam is going to disappear. So it is very necessary to preserve our traditional craft villages. Each traditional craft village is an attractive tourism spot because all the products of traditional craft villages still have the specific beauties and funny activities. The traditional products also have economic values. For example, Bat Trang pottery is as famous as the special features of its ceramic: the use white clay, the harmonious and original shapes, the colors of glazes including white, cobalt blue and white, three- coloured glazes. Because of the original attendance and quality, Bat Trang pottery has a higher price than other potteries. The traditional craft village not only has cultural value but also has many historical values. Each may be established thousands of years ago, these products have seen all the changes of our country. It shows us how the ancient Vietnamese designed and configured it. Because of all those reasons, many products of traditional craft villages have been displayed in the museum of fine art and the historical museum. However in some villages, craftsmans are not passionate about their traditional jobs. They think these jobs cannot earn money and not enough to pay for their bills these days, so they take part in some industrial zones and put their traditional jobs at risk of disappearing. Actually, by the way, by improving products about economic, artistic and practical values I think we will almost survive these traditional craft villages. However, the problem there is how to be on trend and have some original products like Bat Trang pottery or rattan wares are. Then traditional products will have higher prices and villagers can make money from that. Secondly, I think it is important to broadcast traditional products to make more and more people know about that one. You know, we cannot sell a product if no one even knows it. Some good advertisements are a good way to bring our traditions to people. Preserving traditional craft villages is important but how to save it is a hard question for governments because it has to solve the problem between balancing earning money and keeping traditional from falling into oblivion. I believe with the leadership of the government all the traditional craft villages in Vietnam will survive.
Vietnam is
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famous
with other national countries
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because
of
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many
special
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traditional
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craft
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villages
such as
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Bat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Trang
pottery
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village
, Van
Possible spelling mistake found.
Phuc
silk
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village
, Dong Ho folk painting
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village
, …. The
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government
Vietnamese has recognized about 1500 handicraft
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villages
of which about 300 are
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traditional
handicraft
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villages
.
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But
with the development of industry,
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some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
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craft
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village
in Vietnam is going to disappear.
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So
it is
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very
necessary to preserve our
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traditional
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craft
villages.

Each
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traditional
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craft
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village
is an attractive tourism spot
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because
all the
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products
of
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traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
craft
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villages
still
have the specific beauties and
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funny
activities. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
also
have economic values.
For example
,
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Bat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Trang
pottery is as
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famous
as the special features of its ceramic: the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
white clay, the harmonious and original shapes, the colors of glazes including white, cobalt blue and white, three-
Possible spelling mistake. 'coloured' is British English.
coloured
glazes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the original attendance and quality,
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Bat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Trang
pottery has a higher price than other potteries. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
craft
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village
not
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only
has cultural
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value
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but
also
has
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many
historical values. Each may
be established
thousands of years ago, these
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products
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of our country. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
us how the ancient Vietnamese designed and configured it.
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Because
of all those reasons,
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many
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products
of
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traditional
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craft
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villages
have
been displayed
in the museum of fine art and the historical museum.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
in
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some
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villages
,
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "craftsmen", the plural form of the noun 'craftsman'?
craftsmans
are not passionate about their
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traditional
jobs. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these jobs cannot earn money and not
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enough
to pay for their bills these days,
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so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
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some
industrial zones and put their
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traditional
jobs at
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risk
of disappearing. Actually, by the way, by improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
about economic, artistic and practical values I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we will almost survive these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
craft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
.
However
, the problem there is how to be on trend and have
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some
original
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
like
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Bat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Trang
pottery or rattan wares are. Then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
will have higher prices and villagers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money from that.
Secondly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
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important
to broadcast
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traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
know about that one. You know, we cannot sell a
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product
if no one even knows it.
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Some
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good
advertisements are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to bring our traditions to
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people
.

Preserving
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traditional
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craft
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villages
is
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important
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but
how to save it is a
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hard
question for
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governments
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because
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
solve the problem between balancing earning money and keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
from falling into oblivion. I believe with the leadership of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
craft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
in Vietnam will survive.
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IELTS essay Is it necessary to preserve traditional craft villages? Why? What would you do If you were responsible for promoting traditional craft villages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
432 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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