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Is it better to leave school at first opportunity or to stay at school for longer?

Is it better to leave school at first opportunity or to stay at school for longer? 7WAXA
Nowadays, more and more students choose to get out of school and get a job at first opportunity. Whilst other ones decide to study at school for longer. To begin with, leaving school at young age can be a chance to find a job soon, which helps you can earn money. Hence, you have to manage your finance in your own way and become more independent in life. However, you will surely face with the adult issues such as stress, work pressure, etc. On the other hand, some students want to stay on school to broaden their knowledge and have more job prospects. Also, the further education, the more qualifications they get. It’s really a good preparation for applying a job in the future. In my view, they should study at school for longer rather than getting a job. Because it doesn’t only help them improve their knowledge and essential skills, but is also the time to think carefully about their future. Besides, the schools ought to teach more practical skills for the students, which makes them have better approach to work in the future. To sum up, each student has their own decisions about their career. In the end, they need to consider thoughtfully and make the right choice for themselves.
Nowadays, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
at
first
opportunity. Whilst other ones decide to study at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for longer.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at young age can be a chance to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
you can earn money.
Hence
, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
manage your finance in your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way and become more independent in life.
However
, you will
surely
face with the adult issues such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, work pressure, etc.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
want to stay on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to broaden their knowledge and have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
prospects.
Also
, the
further
education, the more qualifications they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
. It’s
really
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
preparation for applying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in the future.

In my view, they should study at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for longer
rather
than getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it doesn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge and essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is
also
the time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
carefully
about their future.
Besides
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
ought to teach more practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them have better approach to work in the future.

To sum up, each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions about their career. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, they need to consider
thoughtfully
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the right choice for themselves.
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IELTS essay Is it better to leave school at first opportunity or to stay at school for longer?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
212 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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