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Introduce yourself and work and study experience

Introduce yourself and work and study experience m2OAN
With this letter‚ I’m applying for a position in the Master of Architecture Engineering offered at. . . . . . . . . . university. With my current experience as Engineering‚ I wish to expand my knowledge of Architecture and focus on the method of the day‚I know it is necessary for the development of country to learn the modern methods of the world‚ so I decided to pursue a master's degree in a developed country to serve the people of my country. I graduated from Iran with a bachelor's degree in Architecture and during my studies‚ I was very active in my university life. I have always dreamed of designing a house different from traditional houses Smart and modern houses Because I lived in a place where there was always an earthquake, and several years ago an earthquake killed thousands of people. So I think in my city, houses need to be made more resilient, and that needs more research and learning. That's why I started working After graduating in a company that designed light steel structures. This structure was very useful for cities that are prone to earthquakes. It was a good experience for me which you can see in my cv. Helping others is always my priority. That's why I volunteered at the design office I always designed places that are applied. Energy and the environment are always important to me. Fossil energy will run out in the long run and new energy, such as nuclear energy, and natural energy, such as wind, solar, and water, will replace fossil fuels. This is clearly evident in human life, especially in urban planning and architecture. That's why I always pay attention to climate in my designs‚ I bring light and nature into space because I believe it affects the quality of life of people and the least damage to the environment must be done. Due to the importance of paying attention to the environment and the health of the workforce, I decided to take HSE (Health and Safety̧ Environment) courses‚ And at the same time in a construction company for Because of my perseverance and ability to communicate with others and teamwork ‚I progressed rapidly which you can see in my cv. But I needed to learn more to improve and grow fast‚ So I decided to study for a master's degree in another country. Some of my reasons for this decision‚ discover a new culture, become independent and have many opportunities to work and live after graduation. My ambition to study in. . . . . . stems from a dearth of equivalent professional programs offered in Iran. It is well-known that ……. is one of the best countries in Europe where there are a number of best universities. This scholarship will give me a big chance to be one day someone who is remembered for his innovations, and Iran needs a skilled workforce. I believe I can help develop the Architecture of my country. With all of my experience listed, I am in search of bringing my career to the next level. The subjects offered in this program are specifically in line with my professional goals. Generally, I believe that I fulfil all the criteria for your program and I am highly motivated in the field of Architecture. I will be happy to provide any further information or documents if required. I look forward to your positive response. Thank you for your time and consideration.
With this
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letter‚
I’m applying for a position in the Master of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Architecture
Engineering offered at.
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.
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.
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.
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.
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.
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.
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.
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.
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.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
university
. With my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
experience as
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Engineering‚
I wish to expand my knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Architecture
and focus on the method of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
day‚I
know it is necessary for the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to learn the modern methods of the world‚
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I decided to pursue a master's degree in a developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to serve the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of my country.

I graduated from Iran with a bachelor's degree in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Architecture
and during my
Possible spelling mistake found.
studies‚
I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
active in my university life. I have always dreamed of designing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
Smart and modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in a place where there was always an earthquake, and several years ago an earthquake killed thousands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in my city,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
need to
be made
more resilient, and that needs more research and learning. That's why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
working After graduating in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that designed light steel structures. This structure was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for cities that are prone to earthquakes. It was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
experience for me which you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in my
Possible spelling mistake found.
cv
.

Helping others is always my priority. That's why I volunteered at the design office I always designed places that
are applied
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Energy
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
are always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to me. Fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
will run out in the long run and new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
, such as nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
, and natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
, such as wind, solar, and water, will replace fossil fuels. This is
clearly
evident in human life,
especially
in urban planning and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
architecture
. That's why I always pay attention to climate in my
Possible spelling mistake found.
designs‚
I bring light and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
nature


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
into
space
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe it affects the quality of life of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and the least damage to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be done
. Due to the importance of paying attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
and the health of the workforce, I decided to take HSE (Health and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Safety̧
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Environment)
Possible spelling mistake found.
courses‚
And at the same time in a construction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of my perseverance and ability to communicate with others and teamwork
Possible spelling mistake found.
‚I
progressed
rapidly
which you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in my
Possible spelling mistake found.
cv
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I needed to learn more to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and grow
Possible spelling mistake found.
fast‚
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I decided to study for a master's degree in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of my reasons for this
Possible spelling mistake found.
decision‚
discover a new culture, become independent and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities to work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
after graduation. My ambition to study in.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
stems
from a dearth of equivalent professional programs offered in Iran. It is well-known that …….
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
is
one of the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in Europe where there are a number
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the best".
of best
universities.

This scholarship will give me a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
chance to be one day someone who
is remembered
for his innovations, and Iran needs a skilled workforce. I believe I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Architecture
of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. With all of my experience listed, I am in search of bringing my career to the
next
level. The subjects offered in this program are
specifically
in line with my professional goals.
Generally
, I believe that I fulfil all the criteria for your
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
program and
I am
highly
motivated in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Architecture
. I will be happy to provide any
further
information or documents if required. I look forward to your
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
response. Thank you for your time and consideration.
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IELTS essay Introduce yourself and work and study experience

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
579 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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