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International tourism creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures

International tourism creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures q153E
OVER THE YEARS, INTERNATIONAL TOURISM IS PLAYING A VITAL PART IN THE SOCIETY. HOWEVER, SOME PEOPLE CLAIM THAT TOURISM GIVES TENSIONS RATHER THAN THE UNDERSTANDING BETWEEN TWO COUNTRIES. FROM MY OWN PERSPECTIVE, I PARTLY AGREE TO THE STATEMENT AND I THINK THAT TOURISM BRING BOTH NEGATIVE AND POSITIVE ASPECTS. TO BEGIN WITH, IT IS TRUE THAT TOURISM CAN SOMEHOW CREATE TENSIONS BETWEEN THE COUNTRIES. ONE OF THE KEY REASONS IS THAT FOREIGNERS DO NOT RESPECT THE CULTURE OF THE OTHER COUNTRY. FOR INSTANCE, WHEN THEY PAY A VISIT TO THAT COUNTRY, THEY EXPERIENCE STRANGE AND PECULIAR CUSTOMS. AS A RESULT, RUMORS OF THAT COUNTRY WILL BE SPREAD OUT WIDELY AND IT LEADS TO SEGREGATION BETWEEN THE COUNTRIES. ADDITIONALLY, LITTERING IS A GROWING CONCERN THAT MAINLY CAUSED BY TOURISTS. MANY PEOPLE ARE UNAWARE OF THE ENVIRONMENTAL PROBLEMS AND THEY KEEP THROWING TRASH IMPROPERLY. THESE BAD HABITS UNINTENTIONALLY CREATES HATRED AND ISOLATION OF THE COUNTRIES. DESPITE THOSE AFOREMENTIONED DRAWBACKS, I THINK THAT TOURISM MAY BRING SOME CERTAIN BENEFITS, ESPECIALLY THE UNDERSTANDING CULTURE FROM DIFFERENT REGIONS. TOURISM OPENS MANY OPPORTUNITIES FOR OUTSIDERS TO WITNESS THE CUSTOMS AND DISTINCTIONS OF OTHER COUNTRIES. AS A CONSEQUENCE, NUMEROUS PEOPLE WILL KNOW LIFESTYLES, ALSO BEHAVIOURS OF CITIZENS. FOR EXAMPLE, IF TWO OVERSEAS PEOPLE MAKE FRIENDS AND GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER, THEY ARE ABLE TO LEARN BRAND NEW THINGS ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON. TO SUM UP, TOURISM CAN CREATE A BOND BETWEEN THE COUNTRIES AND LINK A FIRM TIE AS FOREIGNERS HAVE A CHANCE TO LEARN CULTURE FROM OTHER COUNTRY. IN CONCLUSION, TOURISM BRING BACK NOT ONLY BENEFITS BUT ALSO DRAWBACKS. HOWEVER, I THINKS THAT TOURISM CAN MAKE PEOPLE TO COMPREHEND THE OTHER OVERSEAS PERSON IN A BETTER WAY.
OVER THE YEARS, INTERNATIONAL
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TOURISM
IS PLAYING A VITAL PART IN THE SOCIETY.
HOWEVER
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
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PEOPLE
CLAIM THAT
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TOURISM
GIVES TENSIONS
RATHER
THAN THE UNDERSTANDING BETWEEN TWO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRIES
. FROM MY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
OWN
PERSPECTIVE, I PARTLY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
AGREE
TO THE STATEMENT AND I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
THINK
THAT
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TOURISM
BRING BOTH
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
NEGATIVE
AND
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
POSITIVE
ASPECTS.

TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
BEGIN
WITH, IT IS TRUE THAT
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TOURISM
CAN SOMEHOW CREATE TENSIONS BETWEEN THE
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COUNTRIES
. ONE OF THE KEY REASONS IS THAT FOREIGNERS DO NOT RESPECT THE CULTURE OF THE
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OTHER
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COUNTRY
.
FOR INSTANCE
, WHEN THEY PAY A VISIT TO THAT
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COUNTRY
, THEY EXPERIENCE STRANGE AND PECULIAR CUSTOMS.
AS A RESULT
, RUMORS OF THAT
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COUNTRY
WILL
BE SPREAD
OUT
WIDELY
AND IT LEADS TO SEGREGATION BETWEEN THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRIES
.
ADDITIONALLY
, LITTERING IS A GROWING CONCERN THAT
MAINLY
CAUSED BY TOURISTS.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
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PEOPLE
ARE UNAWARE OF THE ENVIRONMENTAL PROBLEMS AND THEY
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KEEP
THROWING TRASH
IMPROPERLY
. THESE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
BAD
HABITS
UNINTENTIONALLY
CREATES HATRED AND ISOLATION OF THE COUNTRIES.

DESPITE THOSE AFOREMENTIONED DRAWBACKS, I
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THINK
THAT
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TOURISM
MAY BRING
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
CERTAIN BENEFITS,
ESPECIALLY
THE UNDERSTANDING CULTURE FROM
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DIFFERENT
REGIONS.
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TOURISM
OPENS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
OPPORTUNITIES FOR OUTSIDERS TO WITNESS THE CUSTOMS AND DISTINCTIONS OF
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OTHER
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRIES
. AS A CONSEQUENCE, NUMEROUS
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PEOPLE
WILL KNOW LIFESTYLES,
ALSO
Possible spelling mistake. 'BEHAVIOURS' is British English.
BEHAVIOURS
OF CITIZENS.
FOR EXAMPLE
, IF TWO OVERSEAS
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PEOPLE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
FRIENDS AND
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GET
TO KNOW EACH
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OTHER
, THEY ARE ABLE TO LEARN
'BRAND NEW' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "BRAND-NEW".
BRAND NEW
THINGS ABOUT THE
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OTHER
PERSON. TO SUM UP,
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TOURISM
CAN CREATE A BOND BETWEEN THE
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COUNTRIES
AND LINK A FIRM TIE AS FOREIGNERS HAVE A CHANCE TO LEARN CULTURE FROM
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OTHER
COUNTRY.

IN CONCLUSION
,
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TOURISM
BRING BACK NOT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ONLY
BENEFITS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
ALSO
DRAWBACKS.
HOWEVER
, I
The pronoun 'I' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "think"
THINKS
THAT
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TOURISM
CAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
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PEOPLE
TO COMPREHEND THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OTHER
OVERSEAS PERSON IN A BETTER WAY.
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IELTS essay International tourism creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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