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International sports event easing the internation tension

International sports event easing the internation tension 75Q5y
International sporting events are not only very intense but also very entertaining. If you take a glance at the recent Olympics Tokyo 2020 where many countries have come to one place and are competing with the world's best of the best. Every player giving their best to win a medal for their country and make their country proud. Football is one of the most played sports in the world and in this case the EURO 2020 London, Italy vs England where Italy defeated England in the penalties from 3-2 which was a very heated match, both the teams played extremely well but the best team won. Fans and players of England got emotional with their defeat but they never started abusing the Italy fans and players instead they started applauding for their win with true sportsmanship. The players of both the teams shaked hands and were seen discussing their mistakes. Nevertheless not all lines are straight nor everything is perfect, there was some tension between the fans outside the stadium by the supporters of England and Italy. For that data I want to conclude that Yes, international sporting events soften the international tensions but the patriotic emotions hit hard in between the fans.
International sporting
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events
are not
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only
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very
intense
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but
also
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very
entertaining. If you take a glance at the recent Olympics Tokyo 2020 where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to one place and are competing with the world's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
giving
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular and thus take a singular pronoun: "his", "her", "his or her", "its"
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
to win a medal for their country and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their country proud.

Football is one of the most played sports in the world and
in this case
the EURO 2020 London,

Italy vs England where Italy defeated England in the penalties from 3-2 which was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
heated match, both the teams played
extremely
well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
team won. Fans and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
of England
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
emotional with their defeat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
abusing the Italy fans and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
instead
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
applauding for their win with true sportsmanship. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
of both the teams
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "shook", the past tense form of the verb 'shake'?
shaked
hands and were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
discussing their mistakes.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nevertheless
not all lines are straight nor everything is perfect, there was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tension between the fans outside the stadium by the supporters of England and Italy.

For that data I want
to conclude
that Yes, international sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
soften the international tensions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the patriotic emotions hit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in between the fans.
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IELTS essay International sports event easing the internation tension

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
203 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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