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Choose a present for my friend on the birthday

Choose a present for my friend on the birthday NMEM0
personally, I would choose a book. I will mention my reasons. First of all, it's cheaper than a trip ticket. in fact, the cost of the journey is approximately 4 to 5 million including place, food, and numerous services if my friend would like to enjoy all the time. Meanwhile, a book that has excited content is just about 300-500. Moreover, almost all places are freezer because corona-virus are exploding so it's extremely dangerous to choose a trip ticket as a present for my friend
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
personally
, I would choose a book. I will mention my reasons.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it's cheaper than a trip ticket.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
fact, the cost of the journey is approximately 4 to 5 million including place, food, and numerous services if my friend would like to enjoy all the time. Meanwhile, a book that has excited content is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about 300-500.
Moreover
, almost all places are freezer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
The term "coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
corona-virus
are exploding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it's
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to choose a trip ticket as a present for my friend

IELTS essay Choose a present for my friend on the birthday

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
84 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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