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dependency towards computers is that people

dependency towards computers is that people gGgG3
Computer was invented in 1837 by Charles Babbage which was a general mathematical computer with an analytical engine. Since then the innovation of computers has increased drastically, now if you want to book a ticket at the box office you need a computer. A company cannot run without a computer, a machine cannot be built without a computer, a movie cannot be made with the help of a computer, the list is endless. We are completely relying on computer machines. If you want to talk to a friend who is miles away from you, you can talk with the aid of computers. Now let us see some advantages and disadvantages of this machine: First let us see what advantages it has provided us: It has made our life easy and fast where you need to check out movie show timing just go to Google and check it in no time, unlike calling the multiplex or going there and checking out. If you are doing the tally of your stocks in a shop there are chances of errors but with apparatus you analyse the stocks accurately. You want to know the weather in London just type on your device and you will get the information. After the pandemic a computer device has become a necessity among students so distance learning In the contrary, let us gaze at some disadvantages of it: We have become so much independent in this instruments that for calculation also we prefer calculator Unemployment is one of the elements due to computers as many things are done by this gadget. In the case of postmen, all the important documents are shared through emails. A company holds millions of data in their databases which can be hacked and misused causing a threat to a company. So my conclusion towards the dependency towards computers is that people should learn that one should use this tool when it is most required otherwise they should use their mental and physical strength.
Computer
was invented
in 1837 by Charles Babbage which was a general mathematical computer with an analytical engine. Since then the innovation of computers has increased
drastically
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
if you want to book a ticket at the box office you need a computer. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
cannot run without a computer, a machine cannot
be built
without a computer, a movie cannot
be made
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of a computer, the list is endless. We are completely relying on computer machines. If you want to talk to a friend who is miles away from you, you can talk with the aid of computers.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages and disadvantages of this machine:

First
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
what advantages it has provided us:

It has made our life easy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
where you need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
out movie
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
timing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
go to Google and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
it in no time, unlike calling the multiplex or going there and checking out.

If you are doing the tally of your stocks in a shop there are chances of errors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with apparatus you
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the stocks
accurately
.

You want to know the weather in London
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
type on your device and you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the information.

“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
the pandemic a computer device has become a necessity among students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
distance learning

In the contrary,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us gaze at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of it:

We have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much independent in
Did you mean "these"?
this
instruments that for calculation
also
we prefer calculator

Unemployment is one of the elements due to computers as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things
are done
by this gadget. In the case of postmen, all the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
documents
are shared
through emails.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
holds millions of data in their databases which can
be hacked
and misused causing a threat to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
my conclusion towards the dependency towards computers is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should learn that one should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this tool when it is most required
otherwise
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their mental and physical strength.
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IELTS essay dependency towards computers is that people

Essay
  American English
10 paragraphs
330 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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