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Integrated speaking (question 3)announcement of Wilton university about a new management sport job for students v.1

Integrated speaking (question 3)announcement of Wilton university about a new management sport job for students v. 1
IT IS OFTEN BELIEVE THAT IN MANY NATIONS, LIFE EXPETANCY HAS BEEB INCREASING DUE TO ADVANCEMENT THE TECHNOLOGY. FEW FOLKS FEELS THAT IT WILL CREAT A PROBLEMS FOR THEM. WHILE OTHER SAYS THAT THEY CAN CONTRIBUTE IN THE COMMINITY DEVELOPMENT. FROM MY OPINION, AGINING POPULATION DO FORM PROBLEM FOR THEM LIKE HEALTH PROBLEM AND SO ON. BUT IT IS ALSO TRUE THAT THIS PEOPLE CAN BE A ROLE MODEL IN SIGNIFICANT COMMI ITY DEVELOPMENT. TO START WITH, FIRSTLY, MORE SENIOR PEOPLE, THERE WILL BE MORE HELATH PROBLEMS. WHEN MORE HEALTH PROBLEMS OCCOURED, THEY TAKE MORE INSUARANCE. THUS WHEN THEY GET ILL THEY USE THEIR INSUARANCE AND EMPLOYER HAS TO PAY MORE FOR THAT. EVENTHOUGH THEY ARE NOT WORKING ENOUGH FOR IT. TO ELABORATE. AS PER THE THE STUDY CONDUCATED IN INDIA, SO THUS GOVERNMENT IS INCREASING MORE TAX. SO THIS HAPPENS, THERE WILL MORE BURDEN ON THE TODAY'S YOUTH. FOR AN EXAMPLE, HOSPITAL STUDY CONDUCTED IN INDIA SHOWS THAT THERE ARE MORE AGED PEOPLE ADMITTED IJ THE HOSPITAL DUE TO VARIOUS HEALTH PROBLEMS LIKE A HEART ATTACK, DIABILITY, PNUMONIA ETC. THIS HAS FORMED MORE INSURANCE CLAIM FORM THE WORKER. WHEN THEY DO THIS AUTHORITY INCREASED TAX FRO EVERY THINKGS. SO BY THIS THERE ARE MORE PRESSURE ON THE YOUNGSTERS TO PRODUCE MORE MONEY. ON THE OTHER HAND, ADGED PEOPLE CAN CONTRIBUTE IN SOCIETY ENHANCEMENT BY SHARING THEIR EXPERIENCES WITH THE TODAY'S GENERATION, TEACHING THEM HOW TO BE A GOOD MEMBER OF THE SOCIETY FINALLY BY TEACHEING THEM MORAL VALUES AND CUSTOM OF THAT COUNTRY. TO ILLUSTRATE, BY HAVING THIS INFORMATION AND KNOWLEDGE FROM SENIORS, YOUNGSTERS CAN BE GOOD INDIVIDUALS OF THE SOCIETY. FOR AN INSTANCE, I HAD A GRANDFATHER WHO TAUGHT ME THAT WHATEVER HAPPENS DO NOT LOSE YOUR CHARACTER. DEAL WITH IT AND HELP EVERYONE WHO ARE IN NEED. HOWEVER, THERE ARE DECREASE IN NUMBER OF NEW GENERATION IN COMPARE TO OLDER ONE. IN MY OPINION
IT IS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
OFTEN
BELIEVE THAT IN
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
NATIONS, LIFE
Possible spelling mistake found.
EXPETANCY
HAS
Possible spelling mistake found.
BEEB
INCREASING DUE TO ADVANCEMENT THE TECHNOLOGY. FEW FOLKS FEELS THAT IT WILL
Possible spelling mistake found.
CREAT
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PROBLEMS
FOR THEM. WHILE OTHER SAYS THAT THEY CAN CONTRIBUTE IN THE
Possible spelling mistake found.
COMMINITY
DEVELOPMENT. FROM MY OPINION,
Possible spelling mistake found.
AGINING
POPULATION DO FORM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PROBLEM
FOR THEM LIKE HEALTH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PROBLEM
AND
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
ON.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
IT IS
ALSO
TRUE THAT THIS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
CAN BE A ROLE MODEL IN SIGNIFICANT
Possible spelling mistake found.
COMMI
Possible spelling mistake found.
ITY
DEVELOPMENT.

TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
START
WITH,
FIRSTLY
, MORE SENIOR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
, THERE WILL BE MORE
Possible spelling mistake found.
HELATH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PROBLEMS
. WHEN MORE HEALTH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PROBLEMS
Possible spelling mistake found.
OCCOURED
, THEY TAKE MORE
Possible spelling mistake found.
INSUARANCE
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
THUS
WHEN THEY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GET
ILL THEY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
THEIR
Possible spelling mistake found.
INSUARANCE
AND EMPLOYER
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
HAS TO
PAY MORE FOR THAT.
Possible spelling mistake found.
EVENTHOUGH
THEY ARE NOT WORKING
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ENOUGH
FOR IT. TO ELABORATE. AS PER
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "THE" or "THE" is left.
THE THE
STUDY
Possible spelling mistake found.
CONDUCATED
IN INDIA,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
THUS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOVERNMENT
IS INCREASING MORE TAX.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
THIS HAPPENS, THERE WILL MORE BURDEN ON THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
TODAY
'S YOUTH. FOR AN EXAMPLE, HOSPITAL STUDY CONDUCTED IN INDIA
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SHOWS
THAT THERE ARE MORE AGED
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
ADMITTED IJ THE HOSPITAL DUE TO VARIOUS HEALTH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PROBLEMS
LIKE A HEART ATTACK,
Possible spelling mistake found.
DIABILITY
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
PNUMONIA
ETC. THIS HAS FORMED MORE INSURANCE CLAIM
Did you mean "from"?
FORM
THE WORKER. WHEN THEY DO THIS AUTHORITY INCREASED TAX
Did you mean "for" or "from"?
FRO
EVERY
Possible spelling mistake found.
THINKGS
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
BY THIS THERE ARE MORE PRESSURE ON THE YOUNGSTERS TO PRODUCE MORE MONEY.

ON THE OTHER HAND
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ADGED
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
CAN CONTRIBUTE IN SOCIETY ENHANCEMENT BY SHARING THEIR EXPERIENCES WITH THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
TODAY
'S GENERATION, TEACHING THEM HOW TO BE A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOOD
MEMBER OF THE SOCIETY
FINALLY
BY
Possible spelling mistake found.
TEACHEING
THEM MORAL VALUES AND CUSTOM OF THAT COUNTRY. TO ILLUSTRATE, BY HAVING THIS INFORMATION AND KNOWLEDGE FROM SENIORS, YOUNGSTERS CAN BE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOOD
INDIVIDUALS OF THE SOCIETY. FOR AN INSTANCE, I HAD A GRANDFATHER WHO TAUGHT ME THAT WHATEVER HAPPENS DO NOT LOSE YOUR CHARACTER. DEAL WITH IT AND
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELP
EVERYONE WHO ARE IN NEED.
HOWEVER
, THERE ARE DECREASE IN NUMBER OF NEW GENERATION IN COMPARE TO OLDER ONE.

IN MY OPINION
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Integrated speaking (question 3)announcement of Wilton university about a new management sport job for students v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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