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Integrated essay. ETS OFFICIAL TOEFL iBT TEST-4

Integrated essay. ETS OFFICIAL TOEFL iBT TEST-4 E36NR
The passage states about the problem, advantages of advertisement and security in a franchise supporting it to be the safest business, which the lecture completely refutes. In addition to that, the professor is giving an extra information about the safe business. Firstly, the passage says franchise to be less risky than having own business and it is not costly as well, as it has already reliable suppliers, equipment, raw materials. However, the professor disagrees because studies show that franchise is not the best business, because many parent company force them to buy some specific products which are overpriced than the equivalent materials which are cheaper in market. Secondly, advertisement by the parent company can not be considered to be beneficial for the franchise owner as they do it for their business not particularly for the franchise owners. Still they have to pay the 6% of the total sum of benefit for the advertisement. Hence, its not true as mentioned in the passage. Third point is about security in own business and franchise. Which is low for franchise according to the passage. But, the lecture refutes the point stating that, it is not the most safe business. In addition, the professor says about buying already existing business, which the passage is missing out. which has the chance of succeeding twice than the benefit of its previous owner. Thus the lecture casts doubt about all the three points made in the passage about franchise and own business. It proves buying already existing business to be the best one, which has lesser risk and more security than franchise and own business.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passage
states about the problem, advantages of advertisement and security in a franchise supporting it to be the safest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, which the lecture completely refutes.
In addition
to that, the professor is giving
'information' is a mass noun (i.e., uncountable). Therefore, the preceding 'an' is probably wrong.
an extra information
about the safe business.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passage
says franchise to be less risky than having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and it is not costly
as well
, as it has already reliable suppliers, equipment, raw materials.
However
, the professor disagrees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that franchise is not the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
force them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific products which
are overpriced
than the equivalent materials which are cheaper in market.

Secondly
, advertisement by the parent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
can not
be considered
to be beneficial for the franchise owner as they do it for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
not
particularly
for the franchise owners.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Still
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay the 6% of the total sum of benefit for the advertisement.
Hence
, its not true as mentioned in the passage.

Third point is about security in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and franchise. Which is low for franchise according to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passage
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the lecture refutes the point stating that, it is not
This adjective uses the short comparatives form.
the most safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
In addition
, the professor says about buying already existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passage
is missing out.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
has the chance of succeeding
Use "(twice)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
twice
than the benefit of its previous owner.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the lecture casts doubt about all the three points made in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passage
about franchise and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. It proves buying already existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
to be the best one, which has lesser
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and more security than franchise and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
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IELTS essay Integrated essay. ETS OFFICIAL TOEFL iBT TEST-4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
268 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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