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Integrated essay about Endotherms from the book of (ETS official TOEFL iBT TESTS)

Integrated essay about Endotherms from the book of (ETS official TOEFL iBT TESTS) jR15M
The lecture casts doubt on the passage's points about the dinosaurs to be endotherms. Firstly it denies the point about the fossil found in the polar region to be the prove for dinosaurs to be endotherms. As the polar region was warmer than today. So they not necessarily to be endotherms to change their body temperature according to the environment. In addition to that the lecture states migration as the possible reason for the fossils found in the polar regions. Secondly, it states that legs under the body is not an evidence of being endotherm, as dinosaurs were big in size, so it was itself an advantage for them and the major point is it supports a big size body. So it doesn't prove that it helped them to be high energy animal to run faster. Hence it's not an evidence that dinosaurs are endotherms. Third and final point is that though presence of havernesian canal is true for endotherms, yet it does not prove that dinosaurs are endotherms. As dinosaurs had growth rings which shows the period of time. In contrast to the passage, the lecturer's opinion is that the growth rings show rapid growth followed by no growth or slow growth, which is not true for endotherms.
The lecture casts doubt on the passage's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
about the dinosaurs to be endotherms.

Firstly
it denies the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
about the fossil found in the polar region to be the
The word 'prove' is a verb. Did you mean the noun "proof"?
prove
for dinosaurs to be endotherms.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
the polar region was warmer than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they not
necessarily
to be endotherms to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their body temperature according to the environment.
In addition
to that the lecture states migration as the possible reason for the fossils found in the polar regions.

Secondly
, it states that legs under the body is not an evidence of being endotherm, as dinosaurs were
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
big in size
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it was itself an advantage for them and the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
is it supports a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
size body.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it doesn't prove that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them to be high energy animal to run faster.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it's not an evidence that dinosaurs are endotherms.

Third and final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
is that though presence of
Possible spelling mistake found.
havernesian
canal is true for endotherms,
yet
it does not prove that dinosaurs are endotherms.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
dinosaurs had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
rings which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the period of time.
In contrast
to the passage, the lecturer's opinion is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
rings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
rapid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
followed by no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
or slow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
, which is not true for endotherms.
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IELTS essay Integrated essay about Endotherms from the book of (ETS official TOEFL iBT TESTS)

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
209 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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