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In today's generation, use of electronic device like cell phone has increased drastically which leads to dilemma in the minds of parents regarding the correct age to give away mobile to their children. The following essay will discuss the reasons behind giving cell phones after age of 18 years.

In today's generation, use of electronic device like cell phone has increased drastically which leads to dilemma in the minds of parents regarding the correct age to give away mobile to their children. The following essay will discuss the reasons behind giving cell phones after age of 18 years. bxgBQ
To begin with, children gets enough mature after 18 years of age and they develop the sense about what's right and wrong content for them. All the cell phones are equipped with internet facility which leads to online data browsing. Although phones are provided with feature that enables safe child browsing, nowadays kids are smart enough to disable the technology and continue searching content which is irrelevant for their age. Therefore, providing phones after proper age will not lead to any misuse of the phone. For instance, few years ago there was a blue whale game which influenced and controlled the mind of young kids and lead them to do inappropriate activities resulting into death of individuals. Moreover, children gets independent after 18 years of age and starts demanding for their freedom to travel alone with their colleagues. Therefore, it becomes necessary for parents to allow their children to use cell phone in order to communicate easily when they are away from them as well as it will be beneficial in case of emergency situations. Furthermore, in universities communication is done through electronic mail. So in order to access electronic mail easily a cell phone is mandatory for students, To conclude, in my opinion 18 years is the perfect age for parents to hand over cell phones to their kids so that no misuse of online content is done as well as basic needs of cell phones are fulfilled.
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
mature after 18 years of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
age and
they develop the sense about what's right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
content for them. All the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are equipped
with internet facility which leads to online data browsing. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are provided
with feature that enables safe child browsing, nowadays kids are smart
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to disable the technology and continue searching content which is irrelevant for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Therefore
, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
after proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
will not lead to any misuse of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
.
For instance
, few years ago there was a blue whale game which influenced and controlled the mind of young kids and lead them to do inappropriate activities resulting into death of individuals.

Moreover
, children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
independent after 18 years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
demanding for their freedom to travel alone with their colleagues.
Therefore
, it becomes necessary for parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
in order to communicate
easily
when they are away from them
as well
as it will be beneficial in case of emergency situations.
Furthermore
, in universities communication
is done
through electronic mail.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in order to access electronic mail
easily
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is mandatory for students,

To conclude
, in my opinion 18 years is the perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for parents to hand over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
to their kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that no misuse of online content
is done
as well
as basic needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are fulfilled
.
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IELTS essay In today's generation, use of electronic device like cell phone has increased drastically which leads to dilemma in the minds of parents regarding the correct age to give away mobile to their children. The following essay will discuss the reasons behind giving cell phones after age of 18 years.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
239 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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