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In this world of advanced technology, smartphones are being essential devices to humans along with laptops, computers, smart TV and other high-tech devices.

In this world of advanced technology, smartphones are being essential devices to humans along with laptops, computers, smart TV and other high-tech devices. The flexibility and accessible nature of smartphones are the core point of this product is being used massively. However, this feature also brings another ramifications as the drawbacks of long-term usage. I agree with this notion, as the explanation will be explained in some points. First of all, the multitasking features of smartphones besides helping people to manage their activities but also lowering someone's memory and mind process. The easiness leaves people to rely on this tool fully and turns to be lazier. Soon or later, people will prefer to make notes and put everything on their smartphones rather than memorize things even the slightest ones. The other side effects of overusing smartphones are data security being put in danger place. The Internet makes the exchange of information easy while smartphones improve it to be easier. Whilst most people save their personal data inside their phones, many irresponsible parties try to steal it via the internet. Either it is a scam or phishing, data security is not being guaranteed which leads to anxiety issues in society. Lastly, the influence of smartphone users' interaction with the real-world becomes lesser. People are more adept at their phones than people in the real world. Teens and young adults are being the greatest victims of this trend since they are more likely to be withdrawn to their own activities with their phones rather than socializing. Ultimately, it will alter the way people communicating with each other in real life. In conclusion, the harms of smartphone usage are haunting people on how they behave in society. In addition, the over usage also drain their own mental process and data security are in danger.
In this world of advanced technology, smartphones are being essential devices to humans along with laptops, computers, smart TV and other high-tech devices. The flexibility and accessible nature of smartphones are the core point of this product is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
massively
.
However
, this feature
also
brings another ramifications as the drawbacks of long-term usage. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion, as the explanation will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, the multitasking features of smartphones
besides
helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to manage their activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
lowering someone's memory and mind process. The easiness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to rely on this tool
fully
and turns to be lazier.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Soon
or later,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
notes and put everything on their smartphones
rather
than memorize things even the slightest ones.

The other side effects of overusing smartphones are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
security
being put
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
place. The Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the exchange of information easy while smartphones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
it to be easier. Whilst most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
save their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
inside their phones,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
irresponsible parties try to steal it via the internet. Either it is a scam or phishing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
security is not
being guaranteed
which leads to anxiety issues in society.

Lastly
, the influence of smartphone users' interaction with the real-world becomes lesser.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are more adept at their phones than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the real world. Teens and young adults are being the greatest victims of this trend since they are more likely to be withdrawn to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
activities with their phones
rather
than socializing.
Ultimately
, it will alter the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
communicating with each other in real life.

In conclusion
, the harms of smartphone usage are haunting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on how they behave in society.
In addition
, the over usage
also
drain their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mental process and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
security are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
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IELTS essay In this world of advanced technology, smartphones are being essential devices to humans along with laptops, computers, smart TV and other high-tech devices.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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