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In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?

As the countries are getting more and more developed in this rat race society, the modern world has changed the way people lived. To illustrate this, there are numerous people who would like to go for a window shopping rather than doing other activities outdoor to kill their boredom. Some of them even consider shopping as their hobby. Having said that, I personally think that shopping can bring happiness to some of the people, but it does not bring more of a blessing than of a curse. First and foremost, going for a window shopping is convenient. This is in light of the fact that there are a plethora of facilities to use. Furthermore, there are a number of stores and oceans of choices for people to choose, such as groceries, clothes and the list to go, which is impossible to list all of them. In addition, people can spend their time by going to the cinema to watch a movie. Moreover, they can buy some gifts for themselves as an encouragement. Hence, the feeling of contentment will spark in them and motivated to work harder in near future. In addition, the great amount of shops enable us, as wise consumers to compare prices so that we can purchase an item with the most reasonable price. In this extend, I think that shopping is a positive trend nowadays. On the other side of the coin, I personally think that shopping brings more negative effects without a doubt. First and foremost, this causes people to waste a lot of money on unnecessary items. Most of the people nowadays, particularly teenagers, will be influenced by social media easily, such as the fashion trend today. When the teenagers with no income are influenced, they will be in deep water undoubtedly. This is owing to the fact that they will definitely waste a lot of money, which can be spent on a better use or save for future use, as the saying that goes, a penny saved is a penny earned. Apart from that, some of the teenagers will be addicted to buy branded items such as Gucci and Louis Vuitton bags, Balenciaga shirts and the list to go, which cost an am and a leg. Hence, as a consequence, they do not save their money for emergency fund. Money does not grow on trees. Therefore, it would be best if teenagers save their money for better use. Lastly and most importantly, window shopping can waste a lot of valuable time. Some people will tend to spend the whole day in the shopping mall without feeling tired. Time is money. It would be the best thing since sliced bread to spend time doing more beneficial activities such as reading and studying. For students, it is their responsibility to spend more time learning rather than shopping. Otherwise, the clouds will be on the horizon. There is a famous quotes, saying that it is easy to dodge our responsibilities, however, we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities. Therefore, there is no crying over split milk. To make a long story short, I would say that shopping is more of a negative trend than a positive trend. This is due to the fact that it brings more disadvantages compare to advantages to people from all walks of life.
As the countries are getting more and more developed in this rat race society, the modern world has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
. To illustrate this, there are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who would like to go for a window
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
rather
than doing other activities outdoor to kill their boredom.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them even consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as their hobby. Having said that, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
happiness to
If the text is a generality, ‘of the’ is not necessary.
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
more of a blessing than of a curse.

First
and foremost, going for a window
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is convenient. This is in light of the fact that there are a plethora of facilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
Furthermore
, there are a number of stores and oceans of choices for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to choose, such as groceries, clothes and the list to go, which is impossible to list all of them.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by going to the cinema to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a movie.
Moreover
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
gifts for themselves as an encouragement.
Hence
, the feeling of contentment will spark in them and motivated to work harder in near future.
In addition
, the great amount of shops
Possible agreement error. Did you mean “enables”? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so ‘enable’ is not always incorrect.)
enable
us, as wise consumers to compare prices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
an item with the most reasonable price. In this extend, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
nowadays.

On the other side of the coin, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects without a doubt.
First
and foremost, this causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on unnecessary items. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays,
particularly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, will
be influenced
by social media
easily
, such as the fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
with no income
are influenced
, they will be in deep water
undoubtedly
. This is owing to the fact that they will definitely waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, which can
be spent
on a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
or save for future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, as the saying that goes, a penny saved is a penny earned. Apart from that,
If the text is a generality, ‘of the’ is not necessary.
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
will
be addicted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
branded items such as Gucci and Louis Vuitton bags, Balenciaga shirts and the list to go, which cost an am and a leg.
Hence
, as a consequence, they do not save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for emergency fund.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
does not grow on trees.
Therefore
, it would
A determiner is probably missing here: “be the best”.
be best
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

Lastly
and most
importantly
, window
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
can waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
the whole day in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mall without feeling tired.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. It would be the best thing since sliced bread to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing more beneficial activities such as reading and studying. For students, it is their responsibility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
learning
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Otherwise
, the clouds will be on the horizon. There is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
quotes, saying that it is easy to dodge our responsibilities,
however
, we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities.
Therefore
, there is no crying over split milk.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a long story short, I would say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is more of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
than a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
.
This is due to the fact that
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
more disadvantages compare to advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all walks of life.
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IELTS essay In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
553 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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