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In the modern world, people no longer need to use food or products from animals, such as medicine and clothing. Do you agree or disagree with that statement?

In the modern world, people no longer need to use food or products from animals, such as medicine and clothing. Rxy8
Now days medicine and doctors do not need to do experiments on animals due to the technology we have in modern life. Decades ago animals helping in invent medicament. I am largely agree in using technology and plants to do medicament and natural fabrics to have clothes, shoes, and bags. Although doctors always trying to do experiments on animals and try to be safe not to hurt them but because they did not know the side effects of this product sometimes animals get hurt. IN addition they put them at cartage and starting their work for a long time which makes them terrified and furious. They also, taking blood to see what the impact of this on their bodies put them under attention. In our modern life computer can help them with this job even if there is no animal, computer can give them the result. When people start taking skin from animals it is painful for them even though doing it with any sort of easing. For instance many people does campaign of the pain animals have while taking their leather. In addition government should do an events at school, college and university to learn people not to buy this products which contain leather of animals. Instead of using animals skin can create by mixing natural fabrics together, they will have the same color and same shape. For instance, What happen at Egypt when they watch a video how they extracting the skin they automatically do advertising at the social media to stop buying this products. Linking to that, after one month no one bought it and now we do not have a place for this at our shops. To conclude, Government is the main to trickle this problem by training doctors how to use computer at their work and they also do campaigns to stop using bags or clothes contains skin of animals.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
days medicine and doctors do not need to do experiments on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
due to the technology we have in modern life. Decades ago
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
helping in invent medicament. I am
largely
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
in using technology and plants to do medicament and natural fabrics to have clothes, shoes, and bags.

Although doctors always trying to do experiments on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and try to be safe not to hurt them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they did not know the side effects of this product
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hurt. IN
The comma is probably missing here: "addition, they".
addition they
put them at cartage and starting their work for a long time which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them terrified and furious. They
also
, taking blood to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
what the impact of this on their bodies put them under attention. In our modern life computer can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them with this job even if there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
, computer can give them the result.

When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
it is painful for them
even though
doing it with any sort of easing.
For instance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
does
campaign of the pain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have while taking their leather. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should do an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
at school, college and university to learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
Did you mean "these"?
this
products which contain leather of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Instead
of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
can create by mixing natural fabrics together, they will have the same color and same shape.
For instance
, What happen at Egypt when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a video how
Did you mean "they're extracting", "they are extracting", or "they were extracting"?
they extracting
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
they
automatically
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go advertising".
do advertising
at the social media to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
buying
Did you mean "these"?
this
products. Linking to that, after one month no one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we do not have a place for this at our shops.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
is the main to trickle this problem by training doctors how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computer at their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they
also
do campaigns to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
using bags or clothes contains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
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IELTS essay In the modern world, people no longer need to use food or products from animals, such as medicine and clothing.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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