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In the modern-day society, the number of patients suffered from obesity appears

In the modern-day society, the number of patients suffered from obesity appears to continuously increase, whereas healthy body is gradually neglected. There are obviously two major causes involved, a convenience food and an expensive fitness center fee. Nevertheless, capable remedies will be examined in the following essay. Compelling argument of the higher global mean-weight can be made that, these days, a fast food restaurant is a common option people select to consume for their meals due to their hectic lifestyles. Consequently, fried snacks, along with junk foods are settled in the way people commute. Take Bangkok is a prime example. There are a plethora of famous convenient stores such as seven-eleven, family mart and Lawson in the business district. Further, the health center’s subscription is unaffordable for students and some workers, in particular blue-collar workers. Instead of spending money on exercise program, they tend to buy essential merchandises for a living. However, there are some solutions need to be spotlighted. The principle response is a tax increment on fast foods’ dishes regardless of the brand. This will make consumers reconsider, and purchase other healthy meals instead because of the similar price. Additionally, government should subsidies on related-physical activities to every citizen, especially to the most vulnerable people, to encourage them to lose weight. Last but not least, an innovative to raise awareness of health problems’ risk should be made. The stronger education undoubtedly leads people to take care of themselves even more. To sum up, eating behavior and lack of exercising are connected to the weight gaining problems. Therefore, unless the government looks at the tax, grants and education to tackle the problem soon, the risks will bring about a higher mortality rate in the future.
In the modern-day society, the number of patients suffered from obesity appears to
continuously
increase, whereas healthy body is
gradually
neglected. There are
obviously
two major causes involved, a convenience
food
and an expensive fitness center fee.
Nevertheless
, capable remedies will
be examined
in the following essay.

Compelling argument of the higher global mean-weight can
be made
that, these days, a
fast
food
restaurant is a common option
people
select to consume for their meals due to their hectic lifestyles.
Consequently
, fried snacks, along with junk
foods
are settled
in the way
people
commute. Take Bangkok is a prime example. There are a plethora of
famous
convenient stores such as
seven-eleven
, family mart and Lawson in the business district.
Further
, the health center’s subscription is unaffordable for students and
some
workers,
in particular
blue-collar workers.
Instead
of spending money on exercise program, they tend to
buy
essential merchandises for a living.

However
, there are
some
solutions need to
be spotlighted
. The principle response is a tax increment on
fast
foods’
dishes regardless of the brand. This will
make
consumers reconsider, and
purchase
other healthy meals
instead
because
of the similar price.
Additionally
,
government
should subsidies
on related-physical activities to every citizen,
especially
to the most vulnerable
people
, to encourage them to lose weight. Last
but
not least, an innovative to raise awareness of health problems’
risk
should
be made
. The stronger education
undoubtedly
leads
people
to take care of themselves even more.

To sum up, eating behavior and lack of exercising
are connected
to the weight gaining problems.
Therefore
, unless the
government
looks at the tax, grants and education to tackle the problem
soon
, the
risks
will bring about a higher mortality rate in the future.
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IELTS essay In the modern-day society, the number of patients suffered from obesity appears

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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