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In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. Do you agree or disagree

In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. gOKL
With the spread of the Internet throughout the country, online shopping has also increased, so Shopping in department stores has been faded. I believe that in the future, the main purpose of department stores will be for entertainment. Online shopping has become so pervasive today that it can have many reasons, including its convenience and a wide range of products are available. Various Internet sites offer special incentives to attract customers. For example, we can name the site of Digi Kala. This website uses free home delivery or special discounts on special days to increase sales Therefore, buying outside the home is less necessary and it is clear that the number of shops will decrease over time. However, people need to go out for fun and see their friends. Therefore, shopping malls should provide spaces where people can have fun in addition to shopping, this allows them to survive in competition with online stores. Many department stores still have places to relax, eat, and have fun, such as a movie theater and amusement park. This places need to be improved quantitatively and qualitatively to be able to compete with similar items. In addition, large department stores should offer a wide variety of entertainment such as gyms, Water sports, Playground, University, and so on. In the future, events such as festivals, celebrations, singing and theater, etc, will be held in department store. I believe that big stores will become so pervasive that they can attract people with different qualifications and people can have fun together there.
With the spread of the Internet throughout the country, online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has
also
increased,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
has
been faded
. I believe that in the future, the main purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
will be for entertainment.

Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
pervasive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
that it can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons, including its convenience and a wide range of products are available. Various Internet sites offer special incentives to attract customers.
For example
, we can name the site of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Digi
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kala
. This website
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
free home delivery or special discounts on special days to increase sales
Therefore
, buying outside the home is less necessary and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the number of shops will decrease over time.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to go out for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their friends.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls should provide spaces where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
in addition
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to survive in competition with online stores.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
still
have places to relax, eat, and have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
, such as a movie theater and amusement park.
Did you mean "these"?
This
places need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
quantitatively
and
qualitatively
to be able to compete with similar items.
In addition
, large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
should offer a wide variety of entertainment such as gyms, Water sports, Playground, University, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. In the future,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as festivals, celebrations, singing and theater, etc, will
be held
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
store.

I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
will become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
pervasive that they can attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
qualifications and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
together there.
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IELTS essay In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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