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In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. RqMQ
Traveling abroad on holiday is not preferred by more people in the future, instead people would like to be in their own country. In my opinion, individuals will continue to stay and travel in their own country to celebrate important occasions. On the one hand, people might choose to go abroad for specific holidays particularly, in religious events which are highly associated with the spiritual places such as Jerusalem and Mecca. For instance, in Ethiopia Muslim community would love to participate on programs in Mecca at least once in their lifetime. The same is true for Christian community to desire a visit to Jerusalem on Easter fasting period. However, due to live streaming and other technology one will enjoy ceremonies in different part of the world from their own country. On the other hand, human beings are more comfortable spending especial days of their life with family, friends, relatives and neighbor's in the area they grow up. Owning to the continuous development in airline industry one person can travel easily with short period of time to realise his/her desire to celebrate significant occasions. Currently more people are working outside of their nation to improve their life. This expected to increase in the future indirectly increasing people tendency to go to their own country. In conclusion, eventhough some people might choose to go abroad for some holidays, higher number of people will like to be in their country. Technology enhancements in live streaming and airline industry play a huge role in this regard.
Traveling abroad on holiday is not preferred by more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the future,
instead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would like to be in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country. In my opinion, individuals will continue to stay and travel in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country to celebrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
occasions.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might choose to go abroad for specific holidays
particularly
, in religious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
which are
highly
associated with the spiritual places such as Jerusalem and Mecca.
For instance
, in Ethiopia Muslim community would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to participate on programs in Mecca at least once in their lifetime. The same is true for Christian community to desire a visit to Jerusalem on Easter fasting period.
However
, due to
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
live streaming
and other technology one will enjoy ceremonies in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
part of the world from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country.

On the other hand
, human beings are more comfortable spending especial days of their life with family, friends, relatives and neighbor's in the area they grow up. Owning to the continuous development in airline industry one person can travel
easily
with short period of time to
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
his/her desire to celebrate significant occasions.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Currently
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
their nation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their life. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to increase in the future
indirectly
increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tendency to go to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country.

In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
eventhough
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might choose to go abroad for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
holidays, higher number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will like to be in their country. Technology enhancements in
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
live streaming
and airline industry play a huge role in this regard.
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IELTS essay In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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