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In the future many people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday . Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the future many people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. xyO1
The concept of spending one’s leisure time is gradually changing nowadays. It is thought by some that in years to come, many people will choose to spend their holiday in their home country instead of traveling to oversea countries. This essay disagrees with this assertion, as would be exhaustively discussed further. Firstly, many people travel to have a different knowledge from the one they already had. Traveling to other parts of their country may not afford them this opportunity, as they can gain this knowledge from either visiting their home page or ask a friend living there. By traveling abroad, people gain knowledge of their culture and way of life. A good illustration of this, is this recent publication by the Nigerian Aviation Ministry, that in 2019, many Americans visited Nigeria to have an in-depth understanding of the Yoruba culture. Furthermore, many people will still choose to travel abroad because of the perceived social class that comes with it. For many, to be able to fly to other parts of the world is a kind of social strata for them and they would rather spend their money this way, rather than travel to another part of their country. For example, entertainers and celebrities in Nigeria travel to western countries, like America, to prove to their fans and fellow celebrities that have the means to. The various travels during the lockdown period witnessed by them attests to this fact. In conclusion, people will still prefer to travel outside of their native countries because of the knowledge and experience that can be gained and also because of the social class that comes with it. However, adequate preparation is needed for holiday travels, either by traveling abroad or within the same country.
The concept of spending one’s leisure time is
gradually
changing nowadays. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that in years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will choose to spend their holiday in their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
instead
of traveling to oversea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This essay disagrees with this assertion, as would be
exhaustively
discussed
further
.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
from the one they already had. Traveling to other parts of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
may not afford them this opportunity, as they can gain this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
from either visiting their home page or ask a friend living there. By traveling abroad,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of their culture and way of life. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this, is this recent publication by the Nigerian Aviation Ministry, that in 2019,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Americans visited Nigeria to have an in-depth understanding of the Yoruba culture.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
still
choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
abroad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the perceived social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with it. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, to be able to
fly
to other parts of the world is a kind of social strata for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they would
rather
spend their money this way,
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to another part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, entertainers and celebrities in Nigeria
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, like America, to prove to their fans and fellow celebrities that have the means to. The various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travels
during the lockdown period witnessed by them attests to this fact.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
still
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
their native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and experience that can
be gained
and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with it.
However
, adequate preparation
is needed
for holiday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travels
, either by traveling abroad or within the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
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IELTS essay In the future many people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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