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In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? What are some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing population?

In this modern area, expectancy of human life is growing, especially in the developed countries. Rising of elderly population has caused of some problems, so there are some solutions for reduce impact. One of first problems resulting from increased life expectancy is increased responsibility of the finance in younger member of the family. For instance, the elderly people get sick, and family members have to take care their parent. Hence, the younger members can not work, nor can they earn money. The second problems is the government have to spend a lot of money to elderly people. Therefore, state tax will be rose. It will impact on society because they will be spend a lot of money for taxes. Firstly, the solutions could be taken is the government makes new policies. This policies is the government must oblige the younger people to exercise regularly, so when they get old, they stil strong to work and take care of themselves. Secondly, the government have to increase the retirement age. For example, if the retirement of age in develeped countries is 63, the rise it to 67, so the public does not pay too high to taxes. The last solutions is increase taxes to tourists. Thus, it will be help the government in financial to shoulder the life of the older people. By way of conclusion, rising of expectancy of human life can create some problems, so there must be solutions for this problems to reduce negative impact.
In this modern area, expectancy of human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is growing,
especially
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
. Rising of elderly population has caused of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
impact.

One of
first
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problems
resulting from increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy
is increased
responsibility of the finance in younger member of the family.
For instance
, the elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick, and family members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take care their parent.
Hence
, the younger members can not work, nor can they earn money. The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Therefore
, state tax will be rose. It will impact on society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will be
Consider using the past participle “spent”.
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money for taxes.

Firstly
, the
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solutions
could
be taken
is the
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government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
new policies.
‘This’ does not seem to match the plural noun ‘policies’. Did you mean “these”?
This
policies
You should probably use: “are”.
is
the
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government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
oblige the younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to exercise
regularly
,
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so
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, they
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stil
strong to work and take care of themselves.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
increase the retirement age.
For example
, if the retirement of age in
Possible spelling mistake found.
develeped
countries is 63, the rise it to 67,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the public does not pay too high to taxes. The last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
is increase taxes to tourists.
Thus
, it will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in financial to shoulder the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of the older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

By way of conclusion, rising of expectancy of human
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life
can create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
for
‘This’ does not seem to match the plural noun ‘problems’. Did you mean “these”?
this
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problems
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact.
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IELTS essay In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? What are some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing population?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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