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In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? v.5

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? v. 5
Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. In today's developing world, the average life span has increased manifolds. Although this may sound pleasing to people whose loved ones are ageing, yet the risks triggered by such changes cannot be ignored. This essay will first look at the major concerns caused by increased life duration among the aged generation and then provide some viable measures that might address them. One prominent concern in terms of increased life span is excessive consumption and eventual scarcity of natural resources, including water, nutrients and oil. This means that for sustaining life on earth, the amount of natural resources is extremely limited. However, increased life span implies that more resources will be consumed; this consumption will put others at the risk of being devoid of the natural resources and will result in failure to address the needs of ever growing population. We stand witness that this impartial distribution has paved the way to war and bloodshed among nations to compete for natural resources; Soviet War between Russia and Afghanistan is one such example where lives were lost all in the name of acquiring Oil wells. All this is the result of disturbing life and death balance set by nature to meet the demands of life on earth. A possible solution to this worrying problem is to look for alternate sources of energy to sustain life on our planet. This means that we as responsible nations should engage all our resources and energy in investigation, research, discovery, education and utilization of alternate forms of energy and other naturally available resources. Utilization of solar power is a prime example of facilitating an increased number of people with least effect on nature. This helps in saving water and fuel through use of sunlight to harness electricity. Another feasible measure to address the issue of limited nutrients is to discourage wastage of food. A recent survey by Oxford university reported that the amount of food wasted per year is sufficient to feed one third of world's population for a year. To conclude, problems caused by increased average life expectancy rate, including limited resources to sustain life on earth, are extremely disturbing. However, through critical reasoning and implementation of renewable forms of energy and limited use of food we can stem the problems from their roots.
Suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures that could
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the impact of
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
populations.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's developing world, the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
span has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
manifolds. Although this may sound pleasing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
whose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones are
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
,
yet
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
triggered by such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. This essay will
first
look at the major concerns caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
duration among the aged generation and then provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
viable measures that might address them.

One prominent concern in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
span is excessive consumption and eventual scarcity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources, including water, nutrients and oil. This means that for sustaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on earth, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources is
extremely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
limited
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
span implies that more resources will
be consumed
; this consumption will put others at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of being devoid of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources and will result in failure to address the needs of ever growing population. We stand witness that this impartial distribution has paved the way to war and bloodshed among nations to compete for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources; Soviet War between Russia and Afghanistan is one such example where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
were lost
all in the name of acquiring Oil wells. All this is the result of disturbing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and death balance set by nature to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on earth.

A possible solution to this worrying problem is to look for alternate sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
to sustain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on our planet. This means that we as responsible nations should engage all our resources and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
in investigation, research, discovery, education and utilization of alternate forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
and other
naturally
available resources. Utilization of solar power is a prime example of facilitating an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
effect on nature. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in saving water and fuel through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of sunlight to harness electricity. Another feasible measure to address the issue of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
limited
nutrients is to discourage wastage of food. A recent survey by Oxford university reported that the amount of food wasted per year is sufficient to feed one third of world's population for a year.

To conclude
, problems caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy rate, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
limited
resources to sustain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on earth, are
extremely
disturbing.
However
, through critical reasoning and implementation of renewable forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
limited
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of food we can stem the problems from their roots.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
393 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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