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In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v.13

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v. 13
In this modern era, expected old people age is rising. A section of people believes that it leads to negative trend, because of that, the authority and young generation facing many problems. In the below paragraphs, I will discuss each problem and solution before reaching to a logical conclusion. To begin with, the average expected life is increasing because of the global improvement in the factor of economic, social politics and public health. Despite the positive development old population caused some issues for the state. The most predominant concern is retire people pension expenditure. In the most of the countries people job till the life of 50 and after that they retire, receive pensions and health expenditures. Some countries of the world have declared retired age of a person is 65. If in all countries the maturity of people will be same it could reduce the burden of the authority, because in the life of 55 people are healthy and they can easily work without any physical pain. Moreover, overpopulation increases of old people demand housing. As the result of that, properties are becoming expensive and younger people have to face difficulties when they buy the house. To solve this issue state can provide subsidy for young people, it will be easy for them to buy property. In addition, they will respect the older generation. In conclusion, while average expected age, increasing is beneficial trend, yet it causes of some problems, that can be solved with the help of government.
In this modern era,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
age is rising. A section of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believes that it leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that, the authority and young generation facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems. In the below paragraphs, I will discuss each problem and solution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching to a logical conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the average
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
life is increasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the global improvement in the factor of economic, social politics and public health. Despite the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
population caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues for the state. The most predominant concern is retire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pension expenditure. In the most of the countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
job till the life of 50 and after that they retire, receive pensions and health expenditures.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
countries of the world have declared retired age of a person is 65. If in all countries the maturity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be same it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the burden of the authority,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in the life of 55
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
healthy and
they can
easily
work without any physical pain.

Moreover
, overpopulation increases of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
demand housing. As the result of that, properties are becoming expensive and younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face difficulties when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. To solve this issue state can provide subsidy for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it will be easy for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
property.
In addition
, they will respect the older generation.

In conclusion
, while average
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
age, increasing is beneficial trend,
yet
it causes of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems, that can
be solved
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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