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in spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. why is this case? what can be done about this problem?

in spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. why is this case? what can be done about this problem? PoXB
Undoubtedly, advanced technology made a huge impact in the improving of the agricultural sector. But even with the high advancement in agriculture, Most of the people around the globe suffer from the shortage of food. This essay will discuss about the possible problems and put forward the solutions that can help decline the scarcity in food. To begin with, the primary factor of this issue is the lack of government support, this mostly happens in underdeveloped countries that lacks concern of its people. For instance, Farmers in India are protesting for almost 6 months, the leaders passed laws that the farmers argue will not benefit them. In other words, they will not meet the expected amount for them to buy their needs especially food to feed their family. Moreover, third world countries suffer from the weather condition and the lack of precise knowledge in managing their own farms. It follows that they are not ready to face the harsh situation that comes from the disaster. Loosing half of the crops from the incident results lower income than expected. Nevertheless, there are solutions that ought to be used for those problems, firstly, people must choose the leaders that will support and listen to the issues the country is facing. In Addition to that, government should exert the effort in well-managing the country for the betterment of its people, same as go with the individuals. On the other hand, education can be a great help for farmers to know about the agriculture. Authorities can provide seminars that assist farmhands on how to deal with the many situations from climate change and other environmental problems. In conclusion, this issue is a major leading problem of behindhand countries, both the government and the individuals should consider participate in order to cope up with the situations.
Undoubtedly
, advanced technology made a huge impact in the improving of the agricultural sector.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
even with the high advancement in agriculture, Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the globe suffer from the shortage of food. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
possible problems and put forward the solutions that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
decline the scarcity in food.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the primary factor of this issue is the lack of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
support, this
mostly
happens in underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that lacks concern of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, Farmers in India are protesting for almost 6 months, the leaders passed laws that the farmers argue will not benefit them.
In other words
, they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
amount for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their needs
especially
food to feed their family.
Moreover
, third world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
suffer from the weather condition and the lack of precise knowledge in managing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
farms. It follows that they are not ready to face the harsh situation that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from the disaster. Loosing half of the crops from the incident results lower income than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.

Nevertheless
, there are solutions that ought to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for those problems,
firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
choose the leaders that will support and listen to the issues the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is facing.
In Addition
to that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should exert the effort in well-managing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for the betterment of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, same as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
the individuals.
On the other hand
, education can be a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for farmers to know about the agriculture. Authorities can provide seminars that assist farmhands on how to deal with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
situations from climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and other environmental problems.

In conclusion
, this issue is a major leading problem of behindhand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, both the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the individuals should consider participate in order to cope up with the situations.
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IELTS essay in spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. why is this case? what can be done about this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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