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in some places people live with their parents until their 20s and 30s what are the reason what you think live with their parents or leave them?

in some places people live with their parents until their 20s and 30s what are the reason what you think live with their parents or leave them? 263r6
Parents are integral part of every individual life. They cannot imagine their lives without their children and they wish to spend their whole life along them. But in some regions people live with their parents until they were grown up and became well matured. After that they used to shift to other countries. However, there are myraids of reasons. In this essay, factor as well as my own opinion that they should live with their parents or leave them will be discussed. To begin with, preponderant reason youngster leave their parents due to higher studies and further plan. Education they required may not be provided at that place. To obtain they migrate to other nation or settle down in large cities. For instance a survey was conducted in a year 2014 at Belgium about population of different ages. They analysed young people ratio was at lowest point then they ask to some local residents about the young people of this country they stated toddlers settle in other country for studying purposes they often came here after several years to look after their parents. Another reason, middle aged people are not satisfied with their salary. However some of them have their family to feed but few of them are saving for future life. It may be difficult for them to manage their finance. For this reason they leave their parents and families at home when shifted to other countries or at some other places in same country. It is common to see that after earning a good salary most of people forget their blood relation even they are not remember sacrifice made by their parents for them. To conclude, above mentioned the reasons why people are not living with their parents for a long time. According to my opinion they should live with their parents whether they are moving for jobs too. To ought, death their parents had raised them what they are today but in race of money and dreams they left their parents alone. parents worked hard at their entire life. At this stage they need a shoulder for their further life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are integral part of every individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They cannot imagine their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
without their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they wish to spend their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
along them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
until they
were grown
up and became well matured.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to shift to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, there are
Possible spelling mistake found.
myraids
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
. In this essay, factor
as well
as my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion that they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them will
be discussed
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, preponderant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
youngster
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
due to higher studies and
further
plan. Education they required may not
be provided
at that place. To obtain they migrate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nation or settle down in large cities.
For instance
a survey
was conducted
in a year 2014 at Belgium about population of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ages. They
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
ratio was at lowest point then they
This is a collocation error. You do not need a preposition after 'ask'. Remove it: "ask".
ask to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
local residents about the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
they stated toddlers settle in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for studying purposes they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
came here after several years to look after their parents.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
middle aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not satisfied with their salary.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them have their family to feed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
few of them are saving for future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It may be difficult for them to manage their finance. For this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and families at home when shifted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
or at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
places in same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It is common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that after earning a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
forget their blood relation even they are not
Consider using a past participle here: "remembered".
remember
sacrifice made by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for them.

To conclude
, above mentioned the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not living with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for a long time. According to my opinion they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
whether they are moving for jobs too. To ought, death their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
had raised them what they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in race of money and dreams they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
alone.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
parents
worked
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
at their entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. At this stage they need a shoulder for their
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay in some places people live with their parents until their 20s and 30s what are the reason what you think live with their parents or leave them?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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