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People nowadays are deattaching from their old cultures and traditions and adapting the modern lifestyle Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

People nowadays are deattaching from their old cultures and traditions and adapting the modern lifestyle Do you think it is a positive or negative development? R5J5o
It is considered that in the contemporary epoch, masses are losing their cultural and traditional values by joining the modern lifestyle. According to me, it is a negative development and the reasons for my belief will be discussed in the following paragraphs along with some relevant arguments. To commence with, modern lifestyle creates many problems. Due to this, people prone to unhealthy diet because they are consuming fast food which has negative impacts on their life as they become obese which further leads to many health ailments. Moreover, due to the advancement of technology, individuals lead a sendentary lifestyle, they spend more time on surfing the internet which is also an another reason of increasing number of patients in the hospitals. However, old culturesand traditions play an important role in everyone's life. They provide an identity to the people who belongs to different communities. If they forget their roots, they will lose their identity too. Furthermore, it provides us an immense knowledge of our past, about lifestyle and their preferences and also they live a healthy life because of that they live long. To conclude, although modern lifestyle provides many facilities for people along with it, it also brings problems for them. According to me, people should follow their old rituals because of the benefits they provides.
It
is considered
that in the contemporary epoch, masses are losing their cultural and traditional values by joining the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development and the reasons for my belief will
be discussed
in the following paragraphs along with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relevant arguments. To commence with, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems. Due to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prone to unhealthy diet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are consuming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on their life as they become obese which
further
leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health ailments.
Moreover
, due to the advancement of technology, individuals lead a
Possible spelling mistake found.
sendentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
, they spend more time on surfing the internet which is
also
One of these determiners is redundant in this context. Choose only one: "a reason" or "another reason".
an another reason
of increasing number of patients in the hospitals.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
Possible spelling mistake found.
culturesand
traditions play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in everyone's life. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
an identity to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "belong"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
belongs
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
communities. If they forget their roots, they will lose their identity too.
Furthermore
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
us an immense knowledge of our past, about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and their preferences and
also
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
long.
To conclude
, although modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
along with it, it
also
brings problems for them.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should follow their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
rituals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the benefits they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "provide"
provides
.
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IELTS essay People nowadays are deattaching from their old cultures and traditions and adapting the modern lifestyle Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
217 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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