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In some parts of the world,it is becoming increasingly popular to try to find the history of someone's family. Do you think it is a positive development or negative development?

In some parts of the world, it is becoming increasingly popular to try to find the history of someone's family. Do you think it is a positive development or negative development? m1y8q
Recently, in most countries, it has been becoming a trend finding history of people's life, especially their family backgrounds. In my opinion, it is a positive development and for this point of view of my in the following paragraphs, I outlined reasons why people doing this along with several benefits of it. Why several people intend to find out their family background. There are several reasons for it. First and foremost important reason for majority of people doing this is medical purpose. They want to know about any inherit diseases their ancestors had or not. Hence, After knowing about inherit diseases they might be aware about it and take proper precautions. Apart from this another reason is that, Due to the work or other reasons vast amount of people have immigrated to the new country or new residents. Hence, over the time they might lost their initial geographical origins. therefore, they try to research about their first origin pf their ancestors due to curiosity. Majority of people try to discover their family's history. However, it is not just out of curiosity, there are many benefits of it. Firstly, as mentioned above huge part of public across the world doing this for medical purpose because of those research they can know about their ancestor's health history. So, due to that, they can know any inherit diseases which might developed in their own body and after aware about it they can contact to expert doctors and got treated before any diseases developed in their body. Apart from this another benefit is, Historians recognise this as an academic interest and they believe that, those database of historical backgrounds of people would become helpful for not only for academic purpose but also for government as they might got solution of some social issues just by refering those database which includes beliefs, values, religions and other relating things from the society. To sum up, having considered all views above, I believe that there will always be great to find out someone's historical background as it is beneficial for individuals as well as for society.
Recently, in most countries, it has been becoming a trend finding history of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life,
especially
their family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
backgrounds
. In my opinion, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development and for this point of view of my in the following paragraphs, I outlined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
doing this along with several benefits of it.

Why several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
intend to find out their family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
background
. There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for it.
First
and foremost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
doing this is medical purpose. They want to know about any inherit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
their ancestors had or not.
Hence
, After knowing about inherit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be aware about it and take proper precautions. Apart from this another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that, Due to the work or other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
vast amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have immigrated to the new country or new residents.
Hence
, over the time they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
The verb 'might' requires the base form of the verb: "lose"
lost
their initial geographical origins.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
therefore
, they try to research about their
first
origin pf their ancestors due to curiosity.

Majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to discover their family's history.
However
, it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
out of curiosity, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of it.
Firstly
, as mentioned above huge part of public across the world doing this for medical purpose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of those research they can know about their ancestor's health history.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, due to that, they can know any inherit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
developed in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
body and after aware about
Consider adding a comma here.
it
they can contact to expert doctors and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
treated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
developed in their body. Apart from this another benefit is, Historians
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
this as an academic
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
interest and
they believe that,
Did you mean "this database" or "those databases"?
those database
of historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
backgrounds
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would become helpful for not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for academic purpose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
The verb 'might' requires the base form of the verb: "get"
got
solution of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
refering
Did you mean "this database" or "those databases"?
those database
which includes beliefs, values, religions and other relating things from the society.

To sum up, having considered all views above, I believe that there will always be great to find out someone's historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
background
as it is beneficial for individuals
as well
as for society.
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IELTS essay In some parts of the world, it is becoming increasingly popular to try to find the history of someone's family. Do you think it is a positive development or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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