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Some countries spend a lot of money preparing competitors in major sports competition such as Olympic Games and football World Cup etc. It is better to spend money encouraging children take up sports at a young age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some countries spend a lot of money preparing competitors in major sports competition such as Olympic Games and football World Cup etc. It is better to spend money encouraging children take up sports at a young age. n6yDP
The expenditure for sports is a major problem for many countries for the argument whether the government should spend more money training particular professional athletes or creating better conditions for adolescents of the whole nation. While I partly agree that encouraging the participation of children in sports activity is quite important, I believe that investing in the professionals who have the chance to win glory for the country is equally significant. The positive impacts of motivating children to be physically active can be seen from several aspects. Firstly, with the heavy load of classes, kids nowadays have less and less time to play outdoors or even get on their feet, which results in a rising trend of obesity rates and other illnesses. By providing opportunities like holding sports events for youth can help them get some exercise. Moreover, sports offer numerous spirits that are good for life, such as teaching kids the secret of teamwork and the life lesson of not being frightened by failure. Finally, participating in sports activities gives children more chances to interact and socialize with their peers in person instead of communicating through social media. The great outcomes of helping competitors prepare for major sports competitions are nonnegligible. To begin with, getting prizes in such competitions shows the world not only the excellent talents of these athletes but also the comprehensive strength of the nation. Furthermore, these events are often of huge popularity among the general public around the world, watching participants winning the game arises the interest of children. For example, the two most famous football players, Cristiano Ronaldo and Messi, have inspired thousands of kids to play football. Last but not the least, the development of the sports business of the country summons up the patriotism of its citizens. In conclusion, encouraging the young to participate more in sports activities is as important as fostering professional athletes for major sports events and neither of these should compromise for the other.
The expenditure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is a major problem for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries for the argument whether the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend more money training particular professional athletes or creating better conditions for adolescents of the whole nation. While I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that encouraging the participation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activity is quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, I believe that investing in the professionals who have the chance to win glory for the country is
equally
significant.

The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts of motivating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be
physically
active can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from several aspects.
Firstly
, with the heavy load of classes, kids nowadays have less and less time to play outdoors or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
on their feet, which results in a rising trend of obesity rates and other illnesses. By providing opportunities like holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
for youth can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercise.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
offer numerous spirits that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for life, such as teaching kids the secret of teamwork and the life lesson of not
being frightened
by failure.
Finally
, participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more chances to interact and socialize with their peers in person
instead
of communicating through social media.

The great outcomes of helping competitors prepare for major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competitions are
Possible spelling mistake found.
nonnegligible
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, getting prizes in such competitions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the world not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the excellent talents of these athletes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the comprehensive strength of the nation.
Furthermore
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
of huge popularity among the
Consider using "public".
general public
around the world, watching participants winning the game arises the interest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, the two most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
football players, Cristiano Ronaldo and Messi, have inspired thousands of kids to play football. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
business of the country summons up the patriotism of its citizens.

In conclusion
, encouraging the young to participate more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as fostering professional athletes for major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and neither of these should compromise for the other.
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IELTS essay Some countries spend a lot of money preparing competitors in major sports competition such as Olympic Games and football World Cup etc. It is better to spend money encouraging children take up sports at a young age.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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