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In some cultures old age is more valued, while in other cultures youth is more valued.

In some cultures old age is more valued, while in other cultures youth is more valued. lWp0w
People have different views on the importance of old and young. While some people disagree with giving the older generation a high priority, I believe that seniors should be the focus of attention compared to youth. There are two main reasons why the younger generation should be considered a valuable member of society. First, young people can work longer with sufficient productivity. This is because young people have a high metabolic rate to complete their tasks efficiently as well as well. Therefore, these hard jobs cannot affect their work-life balance. Secondly, many young people engage in volunteer projects, which can be beneficial to both the individual and society as a whole. For example, those who work in the medical field can actively participate in preventing the spread of disease in a particular area. Nevertheless, it seems to me that it is imperative to give great importance to the senior citizens of the country. The main reason for this view is that older people act as role models for the youth, as they are a huge source of experience. For example, many grandparents are in charge of taking care of their grandchildren as the children's parents do not have enough time to take care of their children. In addition, cultural values have been passed down through the nation's elderly population for hundreds of years. More importantly, they transmit the cultural norms that help maintain the fabric of society. In summary, while there is ample evidence that young people are important residents of the country, I contend that older people have profound insights into family and culture that should be valued.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views on the importance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
disagree with giving the older generation a high priority, I believe that seniors should be the focus of attention compared to youth.

There are two main reasons why the younger generation should
be considered
a valuable member of society.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can work longer with sufficient productivity. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a high metabolic rate to complete their tasks
efficiently
as well
as well
.
Therefore
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
jobs cannot affect their work-life balance.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
engage in volunteer projects, which can be beneficial to both the individual and society as a whole.
For example
, those who work in the medical field can
actively
participate in preventing the spread of disease in a particular area.

Nevertheless
, it seems to me that it is imperative to give great importance to the senior citizens of the country. The main reason for this view is that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
act as role models for the youth, as they are a huge source of experience.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
grandparents are in charge of taking care of their grandchildren as the children's parents do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to take care of their children.
In addition
, cultural values have
been passed
down through the nation's elderly population for hundreds of years. More
importantly
, they transmit the cultural norms that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
maintain the fabric of society.

In summary, while there is ample evidence that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
residents of the country, I contend that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have profound insights into family and culture that should
be valued
.

IELTS essay In some cultures old age is more valued, while in other cultures youth is more valued.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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