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In some cultures old age is more valued and in some others youth is valued.discusss both views and state your opinion

In some cultures old age is more valued and in some others youth is valued. discusss both views and state your opinion kbJVn
People of different cultures have varied attitudes toward age. They suggest that in Western societies old people are not respected, while in Asian societies elders are revered. Similarly, youth is either highly valued or ignored, depending on the culture. This essay intends to discuss both perspectives. First of all, old age is valued everywhere. old age is often associated with wisdom. With age comes experience, and in many societies younger family members consult older ones for advice on relationships or problems. ln some societies, not just older living family members but ancestors are revered and consulted. For instance, in the Far East, people respect grandparents, older leaders, and bosses. ln some nations, the youth are valued more because a young, vibrant workforce in a country is usually regarded as an asset. Most governments give priority to youth in terms of education so that they can move the society forward. A case in point is America, a country sponsoring university students by different forms such as scholarship and student loans. By doing this, young people can be well educated and equipped with proper knowledge and useful skills. Consequently, the young will be able to promote the development of the society. I believe that age in itself is not a qualification for anything. lf we look at western countries, we also find politicians in their sixties or seventies, and company executives in their sixties, despite strong business competition. ln addition, as life expectancy increases, older people are becoming more important as consumers and voters. On the other hand, even in countries where elders previously were respected and obeyed blindly, people are realizing that old age does not always mean wisdom. The old way of running families, companies, or countries may not work today. ln conclusion, the old and the young are essential for our society, so they both should be valued. An ideal society should have a balance. We should appreciate both the vitality and potential of youth and the advice and experience of old age.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures have varied attitudes toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. They suggest that in Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old


This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not respected, while in Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
elders
are revered
.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
is either
highly
valued

or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
, depending on the culture. This essay intends to discuss both perspectives.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is valued
everywhere.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
associated with wisdom. With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes


experience, and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
younger family members consult
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
older


ones

for advice

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
relationships

or problems.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ln
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
older living family members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
ancestors


are

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
revered
and

consulted.
For instance
, in the Far East,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
respect grandparents, older leaders, and bosses.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ln
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
are valued
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
, vibrant workforce in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
usually


regarded as an asset. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
give priority to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
in terms of education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move


the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
forward. A case in point is America, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
sponsoring university students by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
forms

such as scholarship and student loans. By doing this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
and equipped with

proper knowledge and useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
will be able to promote the development of

the society.

I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
in itself is not a qualification for anything.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
lf
we look at western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, we
also
find

politicians in their sixties or seventies, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
executives in their sixties, despite
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
strong


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
business


competition.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ln
addition, as life expectancy increases, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
important


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as


consumers and voters.
On the other hand
, even in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where elders previously
were respected
and

obeyed
blindly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
The verb 'realizing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are realizing
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
does not always mean wisdom. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
way of running

families,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
may not work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ln
conclusion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
are essential for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they both should
be valued
. An ideal

society should have a balance. We should appreciate both the vitality and potential of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
and the advice

and experience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
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IELTS essay In some cultures old age is more valued and in some others youth is valued. discusss both views and state your opinion

Essay
  American English
12 paragraphs
334 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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