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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

In many societies, youngsters are given the message that anything can be achieved through perseverance. This message can be beneficial to children as it motivates them. However, it can cause some negative consequences. On the one hand, this advice is helpful to the young generation in several ways. Children have many and varied aspirations in their lives and believe that it is possible to achieve them. If parents and the community encourage them that they can achieve their goals through hard work and stay positive, children will learn to endeavour and struggle for what they desire. Moreover, effort and hard work make children understand that doing anything requires diligence and having anything is neither easy nor impossible. Hence, when they grow older and with the various challenges they might encounter in their lives, they do not give up immediately and do not stop striving. Surely, children will become mature and determined people because of hard work. However, children who consider this message may encounter some dilemmas. First, numerous children do not distinguish among realistic and unrealistic dreams. For instance, a child who dreams of being an astronaut assumes that through a lot of struggle at the age of twelve would become an astronaut. This is because she/he does not comprehend that in addition to hard work, other criteria such as age and knowledge will be required as a consequence when they reach that age, they become frustrated. Second, sometimes, despite the substantial effort, children cannot attain the goal they have. Factors such as society or family circumstances and financial status make it impossible to achieve the objective. To illustrate, a hard-working student who dreams of entering a specific university, but due to poor financial condition and not having a scholarship, cannot be admitted to that university. Ultimately, depression and anxiety will be the result of hard work and not accomplishing the aim. In conclusion, such messages come with their own set of benefits and drawbacks. It can keep children motivated, simultaneously, even a tiny failure might cause mental illness in them.
In
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many
societies, youngsters are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
message
that anything can
be achieved
through perseverance. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
message
can be beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as it motivates them.
However
, it can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences.

On the one hand, this advice is helpful to the young generation in several ways.
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Children
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
and varied aspirations in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and believe that it is possible to achieve them. If parents and the community encourage them that they can achieve their goals through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and stay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
,
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children
will learn to
Possible spelling mistake. ‘endeavour’ is British English.
endeavour
and struggle for what they desire.
Moreover
, effort and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
understand that doing anything requires diligence and having anything is neither easy nor impossible.
Hence
, when they grow older and with the various challenges they might encounter in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, they do not give up immediately and do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
striving.
Surely
,
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children
will become mature and determined
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people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
work.

However
,
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children
who consider this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
message
may encounter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dilemmas.
First
, numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not distinguish among realistic and unrealistic dreams.
For instance
, a child who dreams of being an astronaut assumes that through
Possible agreement error. The noun struggle seems to be countable; consider using: “a lot of struggles”.
a lot of struggle
at the age of twelve would become an astronaut. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she/he does not comprehend that
in addition
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, other criteria such as age and knowledge will
be required
as a consequence when they reach that age, they become frustrated. Second,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, despite the substantial effort,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot attain the goal they have. Factors such as society or family circumstances and financial status
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it impossible to achieve the objective. To illustrate, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working student who dreams of entering a specific university,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to poor financial condition and not having a scholarship, cannot
be admitted
to that university.
Ultimately
, depression and anxiety will be the result of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and not accomplishing the aim.

In conclusion
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
messages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
set of benefits and drawbacks. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
motivated,
simultaneously
, even a tiny failure might cause mental illness in them.
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IELTS essay In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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