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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Various cultures affect differently how people bring up their children. In some, people make their children believe that when they do their best, they can succeed anything they want to. In this essay, I will outline the perceived drawbacks of giving this message to children, and explain why I feel that there are far more significant advantages. It can be thought that making children believe they can accomplish anything they want, as long as they try hard enough might cause harm on children's personality. I t might be the case because if their children fail, their relationship might be affected and they might not be reliable on their childre's eyes. Therefore, some people prefer to be realistic and do not want to ruin the relationship with their children for even a slight chance.
Various cultures affect
differently
how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
bring up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
believe that when they do their best, they can succeed anything they want to. In this essay, I will outline the perceived drawbacks of giving this message to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I feel that there are far more significant advantages. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
believe they can accomplish anything they want, as long as they try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
cause harm on children's personality. I t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be the case
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
fail, their relationship
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
affected and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not be reliable on their
Possible spelling mistake found.
childre
's eyes.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to be realistic and do not want to ruin the relationship with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for even a slight chance.

IELTS essay In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
133 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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