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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. KmeL
It is claimed by some different cultures, there is no denying that children are often said that they can achieve anything which they will. If they have enough trainings as a hard manner. In this following essay I am going to disclose pros and cons of this claim statement and give some examples based on my own knowledge. On the one hand, it is highly obvious from the illustration that everybody can achieve their goals which they will by heart. Additionally, it is claimed that they come across many difficulties by the way of achieving and they must be patient to achieve their best aims. Likewise, it is claimed from our religion, every parent must educate and teach their children to work in a hardly manner and also society has a responsibility for young generations' behaviour. Taking one instance, if a child has a good character from his or her childhood period that he or she may achieve anything because this kind of person will be a good listener and everytime listen advices which are given by other members of society. On the other hand, it is claimed that every coin has two sides, this massage also has disadvantages. The most sensible factor is time for instance, if a person considers only one thing which is the most important for his or her, that person can not do additional works apart from goals. There are more significant factors related to health. After hard working everyone must rest because mind may be tired during the hard working. In conclusion, it is true that hard working is useful for all of members of community and we can see it as a part of our daily life since we are tempered from it.
It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
claimed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures, there is no denying that children are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
anything which they will. If they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
trainings as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
manner. In this following essay I am going to disclose pros and cons of this claim statement and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples based on my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
knowledge.

On the one hand, it is
highly
obvious from the illustration that everybody can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
their goals which they will by heart.
Additionally
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
claimed
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties by the way of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
achieving and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be patient to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
their best aims.
Likewise
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
claimed
from our religion, every parent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
educate and teach their children to work in a
You used an adverb ('hardly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('manner') instead of another adjective.
hardly manner
and
also
society has a responsibility for young generations'
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. Taking one instance, if a child has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
character from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
childhood period that he or she may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
anything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this kind of person will be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
listener and
Possible spelling mistake found.
everytime
listen advices which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by other members of society.

On the other hand
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
claimed
that every coin has two sides, this massage
also
has disadvantages. The most sensible factor is time
for instance
, if a person considers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one thing which is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
, that person can not do additional works apart from goals. There are more significant factors related to health. After
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
rest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
mind may
be tired
during the
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
.

In conclusion
, it is true that
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
is useful for
Consider using "all members" or "all of the members".
all of members
of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
community and
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it as a part of our daily life since we
are tempered
from it.

IELTS essay In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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