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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough 5jYN
It is always argued about the importance of the advertisement. One group believe that advertising is very important and it can steer us toward buying stuffs, while the other group think that the advertising became something common and it looks like a routine action that shops do it, and it will not affect our decisions on buying stuffs. In my point of view, the effective advertisement is very important and it can the actuator for selling the product. The good advertising will for sure give a good impression for the customer, and maybe it will give him the feeling to try this product and buy it. For instance, when Burger King has a new meal, the well done advertisement make me rush to buy this meal and try it, their advertisement hit me in the right way and lead me to buy their meal immediately. On the other hand, some think that the advertisement is an old fashioned way, it is a routine that we see it every day. In other words, customer know what he wants, and from where to buy it. So there is no need to make any advertisement to guide him toward the product. In my point of view, the good advertisement will catch many customers and will increase the demand on a product. Since many people want a product and they don’t know where to look at and where to find it. In conclusion, the question about is the advertisement is really needed or not, is a controversial question. Some say it has benefits and some say it doesn’t affect the customer choices. I think that the best way to sell your product is advertising it in a special well done way.
It is always argued about the importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
. One group believe that advertising is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and it can steer us toward buying stuffs, while the other group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the advertising became something common and it looks like a routine action that shops do it, and it will not affect our decisions on buying stuffs. In my point of view, the effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and it can the actuator for selling the product.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
advertising will for sure give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impression for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
, and maybe it will give him the feeling to try this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
it.
For instance
, when Burger King has a new meal, the well done
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me rush to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
this meal and try it, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
hit me in the right way and lead me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
their meal immediately.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is an
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
old fashioned
way, it is a routine that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it every day.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
know what he wants, and from where to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
there is no need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
to guide him toward the product.

In my point of view, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
will catch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
and will increase the demand on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
product and
they don’t know where to look at and where to find it.

In conclusion
, the question about is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is
really
needed or not, is a controversial question.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
say it has benefits and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say it doesn’t affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
choices. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the best way to sell your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is advertising it in a special well done way.
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IELTS essay In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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