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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough xJKQ
It is always argued that getting your own home is better than renting, since renting is consuming your money without owning anything by the end of the day, and it make yourself unsatisfied in your life. In my point of view, renting a house is something you should keep your self away from it, even if you had to rent, always try to buy your dream house. Renting is money consuming, where you put your money for something will be never be yours. For instance, if you rent a flat for along time and you did a small calculation on the amount of money you spent on renting, for sure, you spent as much as you buy this flat but in the reality, the flat still not yours. Owning your own home, will definitely make your self satisfied, and will give you more comfort in your life. For example, renting will make a commitment on you each month, and you had to get the money for renting in a monthly basis. I believe that owning your own home is the best way to feel yourself and satisfy your own needs. While renting will make increase your anxiety and your monthly financial commitments. In conclusion, renting or buying your house, which one is better? This an always argued question. This can be determined by the one personality and priorities. I think the hard work to get your own house is a must, and if you get a renting house, make this case as a temporally situation not a permanent.
It is always argued that getting your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home is better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renting
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renting
is consuming your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
without owning anything by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day, and it
Did you mean "makes"?
make
yourself unsatisfied in your life. In my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renting
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
is something you should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
your self away from it, even if you had to rent, always try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
your dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.

Renting is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
consuming, where you put your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for something will be never
Consider using a past participle here: "been".
be
yours.
For instance
, if you rent a flat
Did you mean "for a long time"?
for along time
and you did a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
calculation on the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
you spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renting
, for sure, you spent as much as you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
this flat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the reality, the flat
still
not yours.

Owning your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home, will definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
your
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self satisfied
, and will give you more comfort in your life.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renting
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a commitment on you each month, and you had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renting
in a monthly basis.

I believe that owning your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home is the best way to feel yourself and satisfy your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
needs. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renting
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
increase your anxiety and your monthly financial commitments.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renting
or buying your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
, which one is better? This an always argued question. This can
be determined
by the one personality and priorities. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
, and if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
this case as a
You used an adverb ('temporally') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('situation') instead of another adjective.
temporally situation
not a permanent.
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IELTS essay In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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