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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

According to the saying, the harder you work, the more successful you are. Now in our society many adults say that “ You can achieve anything, if you work hard. ” Working hard is a good thing to do, it can make young people have spirit to work. However, since the coin always has two sides this quote also makes children get depressed from their parents too. Advantage of this quote is that children put effort into their work. Putting effort on the work, the result of their work is satisfying. When adolescents produce good quality of work, their parents will admire them. So in the future they will make better work than now. For example, when children work very hard the result is they get a good score on the work and their parents will be happy because of their success, so children will be happy and will improve their work in the future. Whereas, disadvantages are children get depressed when their parents force them to achieve the goal. Many friends that I know are very stressed about school grade, some of them vent this problem to me because they are afraid that they can’t make parents proud of themselves and fear that they can reach their goal. Another one is that not everybody works hard and reaches their goal. Does’t achieve the goals don’t mean that you don’t work hard enough. I think that there are many factors that make us achieve the goal, like money, time and interest. If we don’t have these factors, we can’t succeed. It could be clearly seen that, rather than saying this message to your children, I would encourage them and don’t make them feel anxiety whether they achieve the goal or not. Since the disadvantages, get depressed and not everyone reaches the goal, far out the advantage, put effort to the work.
According to the saying, the harder you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, the more successful you are.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
in our society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adults say that
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
You can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
anything, if you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
. ” Working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing to do, it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have spirit to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
However
, since the coin always has two sides this quote
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
depressed from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
too.

Advantage of this quote is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
put effort into their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Putting effort on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, the result of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is satisfying. When adolescents produce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will admire them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in the future they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
For example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
the result is they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
score on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will be happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their success,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be happy and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the future.

Whereas, disadvantages are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
depressed when their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
force them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
friends that I know are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
about school grade,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them vent this problem to me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are afraid that they can’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
proud of themselves and fear that they can reach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
. Another one is that not everybody works
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
and reaches their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
.
Did you mean "Doesn’t"?
Does’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goals
don’t mean that you don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
, like money, time and interest. If we don’t have these factors, we can’t succeed.

It could be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that,
rather
than saying this message to your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I would encourage them and don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them feel anxiety whether they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
or not. Since the disadvantages,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
depressed and not everyone reaches the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
, far out the advantage, put effort to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
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IELTS essay In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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