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In some countries young people aren’t only richer but also safer and healthier. But they less happy.

In some countries young people aren’t only richer but also safer and healthier. But they less happy. PVkD2
Our 21 century is about changing. Incredible speed of world development have made us feel ourselves constantly in a hurry. And in fact majority of young people easily could manage it. I can give some points which explain why young people in some countries are richer and healthier. Firstly, as I think, young generation is always more motivated, interested in everything, they trying to explore something new and don't scared. Besides, main factor is fresh brain and thoughts. In our days I the time of technological progress each work contains at least basic knowledge in IT sphere. And exact this part of work would be done faster by young. But on the other side, this kind of lifestyle doesn't give people opportunities to be enjoyed. Not long time ago our parents used to work and maybe they had smaller salary but it was happier life. So, what can I advice to young people who don't feel theirself happy? Always do what makes you feel good, follow your heart and soul, don't be greedy about money. Material things can't replace simple happiness. As has said one wise person: " Do what you love, and love what you do".
Our
Did you mean "21st century"?
21 century
is about changing. Incredible speed of world development have made us feel ourselves
constantly
in a hurry. And in fact majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easily
could manage it.

I can give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries are richer and healthier.
Firstly
, as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation is always more motivated, interested in everything,
Did you mean "they're trying", "they are trying", or "they were trying"?
they trying
to explore something new and don't scared.

Besides
, main factor is fresh brain and thoughts.

In our days I the time of technological progress each work contains at least basic knowledge in IT sphere. And exact this part of work would
be done
faster by young.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
on the other side, this kind of lifestyle doesn't give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opportunities to
be enjoyed
. Not long time ago our parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to work and maybe they had smaller salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was happier life.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, what can I
Did you mean "advise" (verb) instead of advice (noun)?
advice
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who don't feel
Possible spelling mistake found.
theirself
happy? Always do what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, follow your heart and soul, don't be greedy about money. Material things can't replace simple happiness. As has said one wise person:
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
Do what you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
what you do
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.
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IELTS essay In some countries young people aren’t only richer but also safer and healthier. But they less happy.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
197 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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