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In some countries, young people are enrolled in some fund programs as they may be called to assist older people, work with animals, and do some donation tasks.

In some countries, young people are enrolled in some fund programs as they may be called to assist older people, work with animals, and do some donation tasks. ljqpK
In some countries, young people are enrolled in some fund programs as they may be called to assist older people, work with animals, and do some donation tasks. In this essay, I will outline what I consider to be the potential advantages of such a program, as well as some of the negative outcomes that I feel are likely to occur. To commence with, there are some benefits of community charity programs for teenagers. Firstly, this action would help them in their personal development. Because if they invest their time and potential to do these activities, such as caring aged people, helps animals, it can lead them to the sense of responsibility towards their society and makes them more mature. In addition to this, they would also get work experience that would help them in their future if they will work in community services. In India, for instance, many employers consider their unpaid work in animal shelters if they apply for any job. There are, however, some possible drawbacks of this charity scheme. The first one is that the teens may resent being forced to participate. To be precise more, if they choose to take part, they will find it more fulfilling and rewarding. When it is mandatory though, the program may not be having intended effects. The further issue is the stress and anxiety that may be induced when teens are put in uncomfortable situations without adequate training and experience. To exemplify, having the experience with sick and dead animals would have a long-lasting impact on them emotionally. In conclusion, although contributing to community service would be worthwhile, making this kind of work mandatory may be counterproductive. For maximum benefits, I feel that it would be better if teens would be volunteered, rather than being forced.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are enrolled
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fund
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
as they may
be called
to assist older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
donation tasks. In this essay, I will outline what I consider to be the potential advantages of such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
,
as well
as
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes that I feel are likely to occur.

To commence with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of community charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
Firstly
, this action would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their personal development.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
if they invest their time and potential to do these activities, such as caring aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, it can lead them to the sense of responsibility towards their society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more mature.
In addition
to this, they would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their future if they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in community services. In India,
for instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employers consider their unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
shelters if they apply for any job.

There are,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible drawbacks of this charity scheme. The
first
one is that the teens may resent
being forced
to participate. To be precise more, if they choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
, they will find it more fulfilling and rewarding. When it is mandatory though, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
may not be having intended effects. The
further
issue is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety that may
be induced
when teens
are put
in uncomfortable situations without adequate training and experience. To exemplify, having the experience with sick and dead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
would have a long-lasting impact on them
emotionally
.

In conclusion
, although contributing to community service would be worthwhile, making this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
mandatory may be counterproductive. For maximum benefits, I feel that it would be better if teens would
be volunteered
,
rather
than
being forced
.

IELTS essay In some countries, young people are enrolled in some fund programs as they may be called to assist older people, work with animals, and do some donation tasks.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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