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In some countries, there is not enough respect for elderly people. Why is this the case? Suggest some solutions.

In some countries, there is not enough respect for elderly people. Why is this the case? Suggest some solutions. rLOLl
These days in some countries, respect for elderly people is not enough. In this essay, reasons for this phenomenon will be analysed and relevant solutions will be provided as well. The causes of lack of respect for elder people are manifold. First, more and more young people are losing traditional values. It is true that traditional values such as respecting the elderly are disappearing amongst youngsters. Further, the modern belief system values success based on how much money a person makes. It is obvious that elderly people have retired and do not make money anymore; hence young people stop respecting them at the same time. Thirdly, because of the increasing average life expectancy, there are more and more elderly people in the society. Apparently, this trend makes elderly people less valued by others. On the basis of the above reasoning, comprehensive solutions have been identified. The first solution is reinforcing traditional values and beliefs. It is evident that schools should teach young people more about traditional ideas so that youngsters can better understand the importance of traditional wisdom and virtues. The next solution is educating the general public. To be more specific, it is time for the government to correct the moneyoriented mindset among citizens. The final solution is raising the awareness about respect in general. For instance, the community should promote the significance of respect for the elderly so that youngsters can be aware of why they must respect senior citizens. To sum up, varied reasons have given rise to the absence of respect for elderly people, thus I firmly believe steps such as reinforcing traditional values, correcting the money-oriented mindset and raising the awareness about respect must be taken to tackle the worrisome situation.
These days in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. In this essay,

reasons for this phenomenon will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
and relevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
will
be provided
as

well.

The causes of lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
for elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are manifold.
First
, more and more

young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are losing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
values. It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
values such as respecting

the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
are disappearing amongst youngsters.
Further
, the modern belief system values

success based on how much money a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
. It is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have

retired and do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money anymore;
hence
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
respecting them at the

same time.
Thirdly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the increasing average life expectancy, there are more and

more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the society.
Apparently
, this trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
less valued by

others.

On the basis of the above reasoning, comprehensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
have
been identified
. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
is reinforcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
values and beliefs. It is evident that

schools should teach young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that youngsters can better

understand the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
wisdom and virtues. The
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
is educating

the
Consider using "public".
general public
. To be more specific, it is time for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to correct the
Possible spelling mistake found.
moneyoriented
mindset
Do not mix variants of the same word ('among' and 'amongst') within a single text.
among
citizens. The final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
is raising the awareness about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
in

general.
For instance
, the community should promote the significance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
for the elderly

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that youngsters can be aware of why they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
senior citizens.

To sum up, varied reasons have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
rise to the absence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
for elderly

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
thus
I
firmly
believe steps such as reinforcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
values, correcting the

money-oriented mindset and raising the awareness about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
to tackle the

worrisome situation.
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IELTS essay In some countries, there is not enough respect for elderly people. Why is this the case? Suggest some solutions.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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