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In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

The topic of health in many societies is insignificance and I these countries, people have not appropriate fitness. While the amount of standard in weight of people is rising. There are some causes to creating these circumstances and I am going to make some comments to solve these problems. We are living in a world which is rich in food. There are certain types of food contain substances which affect our health. For example, food which is high in oil can make us overweight. It is argued that our health will be affected by overweight. Also, producers of food substances uses inappropriate flavors in their productions. Almost certainly, our health is affected directly by these substances. In my opinion, one of the best ideas to reduction using unhealthy food is setCheck with Assistantting some taxes on these types of food by governments. It can oblige to use healthy food. It is true that unhealthy food can make us overweight. In the other hand, many people believe daily life is the main obstacle to do exercise. So, this allegation can make people feel lazy. The most serious effects of lack of exercise are increasing the average weight and decreasing the level of health. It is almost considered that government makes employees work about 8 o’clock every day and employees not have any exercise and they are bored when going back home. I have come up with a solution. Governments should force employees to do exercise at preset times and I think this idea makes employees feel relaxed and focused at work. Also, when they arrived home they are lively. In summary, in many parts of the world, there is a rise in the percentage of the weight of people while they do not exercise in daily life. It is important that governments make employees do exercise at work. Also, to reduction eating food which is rich in oil, governments should set some taxes.
The topic of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
societies is insignificance and I these countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have not appropriate fitness.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
the amount of
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
standard in weight
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is rising. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes to creating these
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
circumstances and
I am going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
comments to solve these problems.

We are living in a world which is rich in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. There are certain types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
contain substances which affect our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which is high in oil can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
us overweight. It
is argued
that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by overweight.
Also
, producers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
substances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
inappropriate flavors in their productions. Almost
certainly
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
directly
by these substances. In my opinion, one of the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to reduction using unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
setCheck
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
Assistantting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
taxes on these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
. It can oblige to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
healthy food.

It is true that unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
us overweight. In the other hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe daily life is the main obstacle to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this allegation can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel lazy. The most serious effects of lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
are increasing the average weight and decreasing the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. It is almost considered that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
work about 8 o’clock every day and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
not have any
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
exercise and
they
are bored
when going back home. I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with a solution.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
should force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
at preset times and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
feel relaxed and focused at work.
Also
, when they arrived home they are lively.

In summary, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world, there is a rise in the percentage of the weight of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
while they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in daily life. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
at work.
Also
, to reduction eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which is rich in oil,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should set
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
taxes.
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IELTS essay In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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