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In some countries smoking is banned. Do you agree with it?

In some countries smoking is banned. Do you agree with it? xm2PN
Why is smoking so popular these days and why do young people start smoking? Our culture is saturated with tobacco, we see it from an early age in movies, TV shows, on television, read in books, and people are not afraid to smoke at all. In many countries, smoking is prohibited in public places. But we live in Russia, and our people do not respect the law. People smoke everywhere, near the school, kindergarten, bus stops, street. I think people smoke a lot because the government isn't working hard enough to explain to people how smoking affects health. The government receives heavy taxes from tobacco companies, and many people work in the tobacco industry. In my opinion, smoking is a bad habit and very harmful to people's health and leads to very serious diseases, such as lung cancer. And besides, people spent a lot of money on smoking, then spent money on treatment, and the state spent money on health care - this is a vicious circle, but this is our life. I think that people should decide for themselves what they want, because people are free and have rights and freedom. But we must remember that all people have the same right. And if you smoke on the street, in a bar, on a train, at a bus stop, you violate the rights of people to breathe fresh air without tobacco smoke. And we must respect each other's rights. I think smoking should be banned in public places, but make places where people can smoke comfortably, without harming the people around them.
Why is
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smoking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
popular these days and why do young
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
smoking?

Our culture
is saturated
with
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tobacco
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it from an early age in movies, TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, on television, read in books, and
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people
are not afraid to
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smoke
at all.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
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smoking
is prohibited
in public places.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we
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live
in Russia, and our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not respect the law.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
everywhere, near the school, kindergarten, bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
, street.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
a lot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
isn't working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
how
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smoking
affects health. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
receives heavy taxes from
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tobacco
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
industry.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health and leads to
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very
serious diseases, such as lung cancer.

And
besides
,
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people
spent
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a lot of
money on
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smoking
, then spent money on treatment, and the state spent money on health care
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
this is a vicious circle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is our life.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
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people
should decide for themselves what they want,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
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people
are free and have rights and freedom.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
remember that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the same right. And if you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
on the street, in a bar, on a train, at a bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
, you violate the rights of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to breathe fresh air without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
smoke.

And we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
respect each other's rights.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
should
be banned
in public places,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
places where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
comfortably
, without harming the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them.
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IELTS essay In some countries smoking is banned. Do you agree with it?

Essay
  American English
11 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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