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In some countries, secondary education focuses in depth on two or three subjects, while in others students take a large number of subjects. Which system do you think is better?

In some countries, secondary education focuses in depth on two or three subjects, while in others students take a large number of subjects. Which system do you think is better? do332
The educational system in many countries has a different approach to how many subjects a student needs to study. Some of them consider only three subjects are important for a student’s academic progression instead of taking many subjects in a year. I believe studying three subjects or less makes the student focused on achieving better grades. This essay will examine both secondary education systems to evaluate which one is better for students. The secondary education system of allowing students to take three subjects or less affects students positively throughout their academic year. Students may feel motivated for having enough time to study a little number of subjects and achieve high results. Students can benefit from studying three subjects more than students who study five subjects. For example, a student may want to major in Business at University, they would choose then to study three subjects at secondary school about business studies in order to excel at university rather than studying five subjects only three of them are related to business studies. I believe taking more than five subjects is exhausting for students in secondary education. Students are not focused on one or three subjects but on five or more which leave them studying all the time or in some cases not even having enough time if the student was weak in a subject. Students could not achieve good grades in all of the subjects. For example, if a student disliked two or one subject, they would find it hard to study and understand what they are studying especially when they are weak at it too such as taking mathematics. In conclusion, taking more than five subjects will make the student perform worse than taking only three subjects. I believe it is better for students to take three subjects because they will have enough time to study, feel energetic, and have better benefits for their future progression at university. The problem with taking five subjects is that students will lose control over their ability to focus on all of the subjects. Overall, the student’s mental health is important to consider when it comes to achieving good grades.
The educational system in
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many
countries has a
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different
approach to how
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many
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subjects
a
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student
needs to
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study
.
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Some
of them consider
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only
three
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subjects
are
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important
for a
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student’s
academic progression
instead
of taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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subjects
in a year. I believe
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studying
three
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subjects
or
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun subjects is countable.
less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
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student
focused on achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
grades. This essay will examine both
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secondary
education systems to evaluate which one is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for students.

The
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secondary
education system of allowing
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students
to take three
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subjects
or
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun subjects is countable.
less
affects
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students
positively
throughout their academic year.
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Students
may feel motivated for having
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enough
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time
to
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study
a
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little
number of
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subjects
and achieve high results.
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Students
can benefit from
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studying
three
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subjects
more than
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students
who
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study
five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
may want to major in Business at University, they would choose then to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at
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secondary
school about business
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studies
in order to excel at university
rather
than
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studying
five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
three of them
are related
to business studies.

I believe taking more than five
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subjects
is exhausting for
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students
in
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secondary
education.
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Students
are not focused on one or three
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subjects
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but
on five or more which
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leave
them
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studying
all the
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time
or in
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some
cases not even having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
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time
if the
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student
was weak in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
could not achieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades in
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
For example
, if a
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student
disliked two or one
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subject
, they would find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and understand what they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
especially
when they are weak at it
Did you mean "to such"?
too such
as taking mathematics.

In conclusion
, taking more than five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
perform worse than taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. I believe it is
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better
for
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students
to take three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, feel energetic, and have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
benefits for their future progression at university. The problem with taking five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will lose control over their ability to focus on
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
mental health is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to achieving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades.
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IELTS essay In some countries, secondary education focuses in depth on two or three subjects, while in others students take a large number of subjects. Which system do you think is better?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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