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Extreme activities like skiing or sky diving are so dangerous should be restricted.

Extreme activities like skiing or sky diving are so dangerous should be restricted. VByyA
Extreme activities like skiing or sky diving are so dangerous should be restricted. Extreme sports have become more popular nowadays, and a lot of people have become more interested in risky sports, because of the adrenaline, however, there are some advantages and disadvantages to doing such activities. To begin with, I partly disagree with this statement, even that risky activities are very dangerous, if the person is prepared enough and feel that its physical condition is good, this type of sports is a common way for resting and even improving the mental health, because of the impact of the hormone adrenaline. Furthermore, extreme sports have been popular for ages, it allows us to consider this sport as a sport, for strong prepared people, due to, shouldn`t be banned. In spite of having fun while skiing or sky diving, the main con is the place, where the person is doing this type of activity, such as not always modern and good equipment given, which may cause terrible effects and consequences while using. Moreover, young people, or even kids taking part in such sports without parents, have the most significant disadvantage. I am persuaded, that adults, who usually take their children with themselves are not truly in attention while doing these sports, in order that, you may not notice, when your kid would fall, or be injured. To take everything into consideration, I should say, that I am persuaded that risky sports shouldn't be banned, however, the right rules must be provided, such as restrictions of not qualified people, kids, etcetera. It will reduce negative consequences, according to that, people will be in safe.
Extreme activities like skiing or
Did you mean "skydiving"?
sky diving
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
should
be restricted
.

Extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have become more popular nowadays, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become more interested in risky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the adrenaline,
however
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages and disadvantages to doing such activities.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I partly disagree with this statement, even that risky activities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
, if the person
is prepared
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and feel that its physical condition is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is a common way for resting and even improving the mental health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the impact of the hormone adrenaline.
Furthermore
, extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have been popular for ages, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to consider this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, for strong prepared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, due to,
You used an accent character instead of an apostrophe. Please use either "shouldn't" or "shouldn’t".
shouldn`t
be banned
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
having fun while skiing or
Did you mean "skydiving"?
sky diving
, the main con is the place, where the person is doing this type of activity, such as not always modern and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
equipment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
, which may cause terrible effects and
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "while". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences while
using.
Moreover
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, or even kids taking part in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
without parents, have the most significant disadvantage. I
am persuaded
, that adults, who
usually
take their children with themselves are not
truly
in attention while doing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, in order that, you may not notice, when your kid would fall, or
be injured
.

To take everything into consideration, I should say, that I
am persuaded
that risky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
shouldn't
be banned
,
however
, the right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be provided
, such as restrictions of not qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, kids, etcetera. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences, according to that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be in safe.

IELTS essay Extreme activities like skiing or sky diving are so dangerous should be restricted.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
272 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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