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In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

People from different countries might have a different point of view on some topics. While people in some countries do not mind to live in a rent house, in some countries it is very important to have their own home. In this essay, I will explain what may be the cause of the importance of owning a home in some countries and why I think it is not a positive situation that people go through. In some countries, it is very significant because they may want to guarantee their elderly age, while they can work and make money. Some countries face economical problems and therefore their people cannot rely on them. Hence, it is a feeling of security to people who cannot be sure of their future. They cannot ensure their families to be able to pay rent for a lifetime. So, they need to have their own home when they can work and pay for it. So, they dedicate themselves to make enough money to buy a home. They, however, miss so much thing of life since they give their all efforts to own one thing. Even though they would appreciate when they reach this aim, I think they might not be happy as much as they dream because they would be very tired of working for one thing in their all lives in the end. People can have different desires rather than saving money for a home, and yet those people cannot have time to experience them, which I think it would not be worth having a home rather than spending the lifetime for discovering myself, as well as the world. In conclusion, people from some countries find owning a home very important. Therefore, it might be our clue about those countries' economy.
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People
from
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different
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countries
might have a
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different
point of view on
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some
topics. While
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people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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countries
do not mind to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a rent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home.

In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
what may be the cause of the importance of owning a home in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
situation that
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people
go through.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, it is
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very
significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they may want to guarantee their elderly age, while they can work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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countries
face
Did you mean “economic” (=connected with economy)?
economical
problems and
therefore
their
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people
cannot rely on them.
Hence
, it is a feeling of security to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who cannot be sure of their future. They cannot ensure their families to be able to pay rent for a lifetime.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they need to have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home when they can work and pay for it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they dedicate themselves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a home. They,
however
, miss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much thing of life since they give their all efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
one thing.

Even though
they would appreciate when they reach this aim, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they might not be happy as much as they dream
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tired of working for one thing in their all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.
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People
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
desires
rather
than saving money for a home, and
yet
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot have time to experience them, which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it would not be worth having a home
rather
than spending the lifetime for discovering myself,
as well
as the world.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
find owning a home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Therefore
, it might be our clue about those countries' economy.
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IELTS essay In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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