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In some countries, more and more adults continue to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

In some countries, more and more adults continue to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages? w2Ln
Particularly living in the overpopulated generation we have today, it is especially difficult for several adults to obtain housing, this is due to the fact that there is a lack of accommodations available. There is no doubt that mainly in underdeveloped countries, an increasing number of well- educated adults that have an occupation still remain living with their parents. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and whether it is generally advantageous or not. To begin with, I believe there are a number of benefits regarding this topic. For instance, parents across the globe fear the day that their children would have to eventually leave their home and thus part ways. Since more adults stay now, parents feel a great sense of jubilation having their family all together under one roof. This is evidenced by a study that has shown that almost 90% of people are often happier living with their families rather than living alone. Moreover, having loved ones around can be extremely beneficial due to the fact that they can be immensely helpful and can significantly improve your mental health. Additionally, when a family lives together, this can decrease the cost of living by reducing expenses such as rent, electricity and so on. Although the house may be slightly more crowded, the daily burdens are lessened leading to a peaceful state of mind. On the contrary, there are drawbacks associated with this. A good illustration of this is that these adults will lack independence. Since they have always been dependent on their parents, they will never experience the challenges of living alone and thus will face harsh difficulties in the near future when their guardians would eventually pass away. Furthermore, these individuals would become irresponsible and may overburden their parents because guardians have a tendency as well as responsibility to supervise and tend to their children regardless of age. However, since these adults have careers and therefore generate incomes, they could instead help provide funds to pay for utilities and other essentials, thus not become as much of a burden.
Particularly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the overpopulated generation we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, it is
especially
difficult for several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to obtain housing,
this is due to the fact that
there is a lack of accommodations available. There is no doubt that
mainly
in underdeveloped countries, an increasing number of well- educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
that have an occupation
still
remain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and whether it is
generally
advantageous or not.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I believe there are a number of benefits regarding this topic.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
across the globe fear the day that their children would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their home and
thus
part ways. Since more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
stay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
feel a great sense of jubilation having their family all together under one roof. This
is evidenced
by a study that has shown that almost 90% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with their families
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
alone.
Moreover
, having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones around can be
extremely
beneficial due to the fact that they can be
immensely
helpful and can
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your mental health.
Additionally
, when a family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
together, this can decrease the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
by reducing expenses such as rent, electricity and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Although the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
may be
slightly
more crowded, the daily burdens
are lessened
leading to a peaceful state of mind.

On the contrary
, there are drawbacks associated with this. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
will lack independence. Since they have always been dependent on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, they will never experience the challenges of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
alone and
thus
will face harsh difficulties in the near future when their guardians would
eventually
pass away.
Furthermore
, these individuals would become irresponsible and may overburden their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
guardians have a tendency
as well
as responsibility to supervise and tend to their children regardless of age.
However
, since these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
have careers and
therefore
generate incomes, they could
instead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
provide funds to pay for utilities and other essentials,
thus
not become as much of a burden.
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IELTS essay In some countries, more and more adults continue to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
345 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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