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In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? a809w
Nowadays, after finishing education and having a job, more and more adults decide to stay in their parent’s home. There is still a huge controversy about this topic because both views have its own right and bellowing is my thought about the advantages and disadvantages of this trend First and foremost, people who live with their parents may have less financial burden than those who do not. Adults who are in the early stage of career usually have unstable incomes. Living with their parents allows them to share daily expenses; consequently, they can use their savings to invest in enhancing professional skills and knowledge. In addition, living with parents enables family members to support others easily. Because people who have just graduated from school, they need some imperative advises from their parents to solve life problems effectively. In contrast, living with parents affects their own independence. When parents take care of their children for a long time, they may depend on parents to live and do not labor to have a steady earning. Furthermore, this trend may includes some arguments between parents and their children. Because of the generation gap, their opinions about the life are far different from the others which may decrease family sentiment. In my personal perspective, staying in the same house with parents is a good move by adult because they have taken care us for almost of their time and they want all the best for us. Overall, the benefits are outweigh the drawbacks
Nowadays, after finishing education and having a job, more and more adults decide to stay in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
home. There is
still
a huge controversy about this topic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
both views have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
right and bellowing is my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
about the advantages and disadvantages of this trend

First
and foremost,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may have less financial burden than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not. Adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in the early stage of career
usually
have unstable incomes. Living with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to share daily expenses;
consequently
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their savings to invest in enhancing professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge.
In addition
, living with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
enables


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
family
members to support others
easily
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
graduated from school, they need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
imperative advises from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to solve life problems
effectively
.

In contrast
, living with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
affects their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
independence. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
take care of their children for a long time, they may depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and do not labor to have a steady earning.
Furthermore
, this trend may includes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and their children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the generation gap, their opinions about the life are far
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from the others which may decrease family sentiment.

In my personal perspective, staying in the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
by adult
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have taken care us for almost of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they want all the best for us.
Overall
, the benefits are
Consider using a past participle here: "outweighed".
outweigh
the drawbacks
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IELTS essay In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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