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In some countries, men are told not to cry. Why? Do you agree or disagree with it?

In some countries, men are told not to cry. Why? with it? 7Wm13
In some cultures, boys and men are supposed not to express their emotions such as crying. I personally disagree with that opinion and I will state my point of view in this essay. There is a traditional thinking that expects the differences between genders in many nations. They think that females would be more gentle, emotional and beautiful. In contrast, males are expected to be stronger with muscles, and especially, they should keep their emotions for themselves. They are not allowed to cry because crying is believed an icon of weakness, which is not agreed for men to have. In this modern era, young generation now has a more optimistic view of this situation. They call this opinion a toxic masculism, which is a reasonable name. Firstly, people are facing a lot of stress and anxiety in daily life and it is so unfair if men have to keep it privately and cannot share with others. They have to struggle with problems in lives all alone and as a result, in many countries, the rate of suicide in male gender is much higher than female. Moreover, if men continually keep their stories and emotions secretly, their family and friends would not understand them and the space between family members would increase over time. Home is where people should feel inclusive and relax, so why are men have to separate themselves from others? Overall, the toxic masculism is a negative tradition that should be removed from the world. Thanks to that, the world would be a better place for everyone to express their emotions as well as opinions.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cultures, boys and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are supposed
not to express their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotions
such as crying. I
personally
disagree with that opinion and I will state my point of view in this essay.

There is a traditional thinking that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expects
the differences between genders in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that females would be more gentle, emotional and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
.
In contrast
, males are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to be stronger with muscles, and
especially
, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotions
for themselves. They are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to cry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
crying
is believed
an icon of weakness, which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
to have.

In this modern era, young generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
has a more optimistic view of this situation. They call this opinion a toxic
Possible spelling mistake found.
masculism
, which is a reasonable name.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety in daily life and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
unfair if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
it
privately
and cannot share with others. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle with problems in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
all alone and
as a result
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, the rate of suicide in male gender is much higher than female.
Moreover
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
continually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their stories and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotions
secretly
, their family and friends would not understand them and the space between family members would increase over time. Home is where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should feel inclusive and relax,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
why are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
separate themselves from others?

Overall
, the toxic
Possible spelling mistake found.
masculism
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
tradition that should
be removed
from the world. Thanks to that, the world would be a better place for everyone to express their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotions
as well
as opinions.
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IELTS essay In some countries, men are told not to cry. Why? with it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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