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In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. To what extent should children have to follow rules?

In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. QX63
Every country has its own cultural values that are unique from others thus, children worldwide are expected to follow different behavioural rules which are acceptable in their society. It is complex to express the extent of such rules, however, at some regions, these are much stricter than others. There is no denying that children are vulnerable section of the society in terms of making critical decisions because of lack of experience in their life, therefore their parents play a vital role in guiding and making them a good civilian. Inculcating good behaviours and alerting them about the consequences of bad behaviour are some of the ways they govern their kids. For instance, while in India, people usually do not call their seniors at work or in the family by name because, in their childhood, they are taught to do so which they follow throughout their life, however, in western countries it is common to call a senior by their names and is not treated as disrespectful. On the other hand, like everyone else children also loves to enjoy freedom, and in some countries, they are free to make their own choices on different facets of life such as education and choosing life-partner. There, parents believe that the best way their children can learn, and grow is through their own mistakes and experiences. For instance, while in western countries, children usually leave to live an independent life in their young age and thus, they have to make various important decisions own their own, in Asian countries children always have to take their parents’ permission on various life-matters. In conclusion, in different countries, children have to follow different rules, and I believe it is good for them to be acceptable in their own society
Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cultural values that are unique from others
thus
,
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children
worldwide are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
which are acceptable in their society. It is complex to express the extent of such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
,
however
, at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regions, these are much stricter than others.

There is no denying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are vulnerable section of the society in terms of making critical decisions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of experience in their
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life
,
therefore
their parents play a vital role in guiding and making them a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
civilian. Inculcating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
and alerting them about the consequences of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
ways they govern their kids.
For instance
, while in India,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
usually
do not call their seniors at work or in the family by name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in their childhood, they
are taught
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
which they follow throughout their
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life
,
however
, in western
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countries
it is common to call a senior by their names and is not treated as disrespectful.

On the other hand
, like everyone else
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children
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to enjoy freedom, and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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countries
, they are free to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choices on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
facets of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
such as education and choosing life-partner. There, parents believe that the best way their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn, and grow is through their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mistakes and experiences.
For instance
, while in western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
an independent
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life
in their young age and
thus
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decisions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, in Asian
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countries
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children
always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take their parents’ permission on various life-matters.

In conclusion
, in
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different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, and I believe it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for them to be acceptable in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
society
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IELTS essay In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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