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some people think paying taxes is a big enough contributions to their society,while others think people have more responsibilities as members of society than only paying taxrs.Discuss both the views and give your opinion?

some people think paying taxes is a big enough contributions to their society, while others think people have more responsibilities as members of society than only paying taxrs. 1ry7
Advocates of the former viewpoint explain that fundamentally, it is very useful for governments. In other words, mankind contributes they're paying a taxes that can be better progression infrastructure for the nation, this fund can be bring on public servants provide salaris, authorities new cultivated public wefare services such as, transportation, education, healthcare, transportation, education, healthcare, and many more services which people have hassle free life. Moreover, it is creates employment. To elaborate, new architectural nation people can affod their living lifstyle and better job, which has worked on Restaurant, accommodation, and transport, that can eradicate poverty. A recent study suggest that in Japan all over the dominance in world by paying taxes and improvement on technology, which have no poverty in this nation. If there society not donate their money, mankind always bean in fair of poverty and others crisis. On the contrary, the proponents of the later inclination claim that most importantly, civilzation conducting various programmes according to the environment. In recent times, people have nonchalant attitudes towards the use of transportation, which is impact on environment, so if public conduct awarness programmes through various mediums such as T. V, Hoarding, Trust, that can be curb the pollution and people living their healthy lifestyle. Furthermore, it is equally important to obey this rules and laws. This is to say that, when people comply the rules, respect others and do volunteer work they help create a harmonious society where people docile and safe. To sum up and express my preference, i bolster the former view rather than later view. Indeed contribution their nation society might be good development on public welfare and creates employment, which have country become rich.
Advocates of the former viewpoint
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that
fundamentally
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
In other words
, mankind contributes they're paying
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a tax" or simply "taxes"?
a taxes
that can be better progression infrastructure for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
, this fund can be
Consider using the past participle "brought"?
bring
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
servants provide
Possible spelling mistake found.
salaris
, authorities new cultivated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
Possible spelling mistake found.
wefare
services such as, transportation, education, healthcare, transportation, education, healthcare, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more services which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have hassle free life.
Moreover
, it is creates employment. To elaborate, new architectural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
Possible spelling mistake found.
affod
their living
Possible spelling mistake found.
lifstyle
and better job, which has worked on Restaurant, accommodation, and transport, that can eradicate poverty. A recent study suggest that in Japan all over the dominance in world by paying taxes and improvement on technology, which have no poverty in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. If
Please check whether a verb is missing here or whether 'there' should be 'their'.
there society
not donate their money, mankind always bean in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
of poverty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
crisis.

On the contrary
, the proponents of the later inclination claim that most
importantly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
civilzation
conducting various
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
according to the environment. In recent times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have nonchalant attitudes towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of transportation, which is impact on environment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
conduct
Possible spelling mistake found.
awarness
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
through various mediums such as T. V, Hoarding, Trust, that can be
Consider using a past participle here: "curbed".
curb
the pollution and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living their healthy lifestyle.
Furthermore
, it is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to obey
Did you mean "these"?
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and laws. This is to say that, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
comply the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, respect others and do volunteer work they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
create a harmonious society where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
docile and safe.

To sum up and express my preference,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
bolster the former view
rather
than later view.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Indeed
contribution their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
society might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
development on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
welfare and creates employment, which have country become rich.
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IELTS essay some people think paying taxes is a big enough contributions to their society, while others think people have more responsibilities as members of society than only paying taxrs.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
280 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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