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In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. with this opinion? QL7Jx
The growth of the fast food industry has affected people’s eating habits and their health significantly. Many have developed diseases such as diabetes, obesity, high cholesterol and cardiac problems due to consumption of excessive amount of this kind of food. In my opinion, imposing a higher tax on junk food will have positive outcomes; however, this alone will not be enough to battle with this situation. Admittedly, governments are obligated to treat individuals who suffer from diet related illness and imposing higher taxes for fast food will help economies to improve. For instance, millions of dollars are spent to provide healthcare services to people who have above-mentioned diseases. Hence, if junk food becomes more expensive, the amount of illness people suffer from will decrease accordingly and governments will be able to spend their funding on other necessary services. It should also be asserted that creating awareness about the effects of fast foods is essential. Teenagers are the main customers of restaurants where processed food is served and they should be taught about the long-term consequences of junk food consumption. For example, introducing nutrition classes into their school curriculum might be a successful method of teaching them devastating health effects on eating excessive amount of unhealthy food. What’s more, broadcasting health related adverts on TV and social media will help governments to reach broader audience. To conclude, from my perspective, adding classes to school hours in which young people can be educated about eating healthy, showing advertisements on television and social media applications constantly, along with imposing a higher tax to fast food can help governments to tackle diseases caused by eating such foods in daily basis.
The growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industry has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits and their health
significantly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
have developed diseases such as diabetes, obesity, high cholesterol and cardiac problems due to consumption of excessive amount of this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. In my opinion, imposing a higher tax on junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes;
however
, this alone will not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to battle with this situation.

Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
are obligated
to treat individuals who suffer from diet related illness and imposing higher taxes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
economies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.
For instance
, millions of dollars
are spent
to provide healthcare services to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have above-mentioned diseases.
Hence
, if junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
becomes more expensive, the amount of illness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from will decrease
accordingly
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
will be able to spend their funding on other necessary services.

It should
also
be asserted
that creating awareness about the effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
is essential.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
are the main customers of restaurants where processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
served and
they should
be taught
about the long-term consequences of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumption.
For example
, introducing nutrition classes into their school curriculum might be a successful method of teaching them devastating health effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
excessive amount of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. What’s more, broadcasting health related adverts on TV and social media will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to reach broader audience.

To conclude
, from my perspective, adding classes to school hours in which young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be educated
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
healthy, showing advertisements on television and social media applications
constantly
, along with imposing a higher tax to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to tackle diseases caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
in daily basis.
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IELTS essay In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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