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Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the Society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the Society in which they are sold. 9L7dw
At present, it is generally beleived that the buying of famous goods by the consumers is the result of power of commercials rather than the fundamental needs of the individuals in which they are sold. I partially agree with this statement and the reasons behind this are explained in the following paragraphs. To initiate, almost all of the products that the company's and industry's sells are assisted by different advertisements. To put it more simply, let us take an example of famous celebrities who are hired by the large companies for promoting their goods and products are seem to be successful at attracting myarids of customers. As people see their favorite ideal and role model talking about the particular item in the TV, they would like to try that too, though it may not have any practical use in their everyday life but just for the sake of satisfaction. As a result, they spend huge amount of money on the unnecessary items because they think that the products they have brought are the same that are used by their favorite stars. However, this is not always the same case, some commercials are ineffective and unable to grab customer's attention. Furthermore, people nowadays have become more aware about the impact of advertisements in their lives and stop themselves to be manipulative towards it. Commercials may not always be able to meet people's desire, so it may not always make people buy things everytime they see their favourite personality promoting products on the screen. To cite an example, a cricket player sees an advertisement about the sports cloth from his role model, that does not necessarily mean that he is going to buy that item. So, advertising do not always compell people to buy things. To conclude, although some of the commercials have made people buy unwanted things, people have become more conscious and smart on what sorts of things they need to buy.
At present, it is
generally
Possible spelling mistake found.
beleived
that the buying of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
by the consumers is the result of power of commercials
rather
than the fundamental needs of the individuals in which they
are sold
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and the reasons behind this are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the following paragraphs. To initiate, almost
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's and industry's sells
are assisted
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
advertisements. To put it more
simply
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us take an example of
Consider using "celebrities".
famous celebrities
who
are hired
by the large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
for promoting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are
Consider using a past participle here: "seemed".
seem
to be successful at attracting
Possible spelling mistake found.
myarids
of customers. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their favorite ideal and role model talking about the particular item
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the TV".
in the TV
, they would like to try that too, though it may not have any practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in their everyday life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for the sake of satisfaction.
As a result
, they spend huge amount of money on the unnecessary items
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
they have brought are the same that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by their favorite stars.
However
, this is not always the same case,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
commercials are ineffective and unable to grab customer's attention.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays have become more aware about the impact of advertisements in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
themselves to be manipulative towards it. Commercials may not always be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's desire,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it may not always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
things
Possible spelling mistake found.
everytime
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
personality promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
on the screen. To cite an example, a cricket player
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
an advertisement about the sports cloth from his role model, that does not
necessarily
mean that he is going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
that item.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, advertising do not always
Possible spelling mistake found.
compell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
things.
To conclude
, although
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
commercials have made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
unwanted things,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become more conscious and smart on what sorts of things they need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
.
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IELTS essay Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the Society in which they are sold.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
322 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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