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In some countries, a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenagers. Why has this happened? What can be done to deal with this?

In some countries, a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenagers. Why has this happened? What can be done to deal with this? 2O8A
At present, an increasing number of crimes are committed by youngsters in some countries. Therefore, plenty of people are considering the reasons as well as the solution to this issue. From my perspective, the most critical cause of it might be the lack of education from adults. To be more specific, family and school education can bring many positive impacts on the cultivation of value, morality, and humanity of children, all of which are important for their upbringing and adulthood. However, many adults are too busy with their jobs and life to pay attention to the need of ethical education for their children. Without this guidance, it is reasonable for young people to develop bad habits, behave improperly and even commit crimes. How can this trend be altered and improved? First of all, parents need to be responsible for children’s education at home and also be a good role model for their children. For example, they can set up rules with respect to children’s behavior, so that children can understand what they should do and can do and avoid behaving badly, and if any mistakes are made, parents can educate and punish children accordingly to prevent any further problems. Secondly, providing moral education and psychological guidance/assistance throughout all school years is extremely significant for the young. Because school is the place where children spend the second-most time and also the first society they enter. Ethical cultivation can help protect children from negative influences, and as we know, psychological health is really important as many murderers are found to have some mental health problems. In conclusion, as far as I am concerned, parents and schools should take the major responsibility of the rising number of juvenile offenders so both of them should make an effort to educate children effectively to address/tackle this problem.
At present, an increasing number of crimes
are committed
by youngsters in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are considering the reasons
as well
as the solution to this issue. From my perspective, the most critical cause of it might be the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
from adults.

To be more specific, family and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on the cultivation of value, morality, and humanity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, all of which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for their upbringing and adulthood.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adults are too busy with their jobs and life to pay attention to the need of ethical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Without this guidance, it is reasonable for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits, behave
improperly
and even commit crimes.

How can this trend
be altered
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
?
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, parents need to be responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
at home and
also
be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
role model for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, they can set up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
with respect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
behavior,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can understand what they should do and can do and avoid behaving
badly
, and if any mistakes
are made
, parents can educate and punish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
accordingly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
any
further
problems.
Secondly
, providing moral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and psychological guidance/assistance throughout all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
years is
extremely
significant for the young.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is the place where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend the second-most time and
also
the
first
society they enter. Ethical cultivation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences, and as we know, psychological health is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
murderers
are found
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mental health problems.

In conclusion
, as far as I
am concerned
, parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should take the major responsibility of the rising number of juvenile offenders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
both of them should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an effort to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
effectively
to address/tackle this problem.
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IELTS essay In some countries, a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenagers. Why has this happened? What can be done to deal with this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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